Success /happy stories after separation

[Mumfirst2]

Anyone had success stories after separation/divorce?? I'm 31 been married 6 years together for 16 (childhood sweethearts) I have 2 kids 11 & 1.

I'm not interested in meeting anyone new because I feel like my walls are up and i can't really trust again. And i feel i'll be even more picky with any future relationships. But mainly does anyone regret their decision to call it on their marriage? Or was it the best thing you did? I'm talking less stress, happier, enjoying life, independent etc... its hard because I still love my husband but his behaviour over the last few years has taken its toll on me and I can't stay with someone just because I have a fear of being alone. It would be much easier to stay for the kids/ financial reasons/ company etc. Even though when he meets someone else it'll devastate me but at the same time I'll be thinking good luck putting up with him because it's very doubtful he can change he's told me he doesn't know he can after multiple chances.

Hi! Don’t want to read and run! I’m in the same position as you and I’d be very interested to hear peoples stories!

@Nonagainst aww sorry to hear that, but yeh it would be good to hear stories that aren't all doom and gloom. Not necessary finding love again but just happiness in general

I am so so much happier. I love living alone, I love my house, my career has sky rocketed, and therefore financially I am thriving, my social life is great, I had a few years of having fun dating and have now met someone, early days but going well.

I feel a sense of peace that I never felt when I was with my ex.

@Dazedandconfused10 sounds wonderful do you have children? That's what scares me too about meeting someone as my kids come first and I would be so cautious with them. You said you feel peace that's what I want. I want to be able to find peace not worrying 24/7 because the only person who can let me down is me.

I have a female colleague who has been with her partner for a number of years after a reasonable length marriage. With her new man she had two kids in later life whom she absolutely adores and is one of the nicest most well-balanced people I know. It is a privilege to work with her

No, no children which probably made it easier as I was able to cut all contact and essentially forget he exists.

But you'll be fine, it might be tough to begin with because it's all unfamiliar territory but long term I have zero regrets. I would say take the time to enjoy being single, because it's a blast and I'm sure you'll meet someone else eventually if you want to, but give yourself time first.

I separated from my partner when my son was 2 and it was such a success story that we had another baby (platonically) two years later and now live in different flats in the same cul de sac. The kids are now 5 and 1 and we do lots of family stuff together but then each have our own space and each get our own time to do our own thing child-free. It's great. And the kids get lots of time with us one on one and together. My son loves that he has a home at mummy's and a home at daddy's.
Good luck x

I'm 2.5 years free! We split when my children were 3 and 7, and honestly it was the best thing I could have done. I've remained single, the kids have loads of activities which keep me busy, great social life which includes them and I honestly couldn't be any happier. Good luck!

I separated from my ex 8 years ago when my DC 5 and 7 and honestly I’m so much happier than if we’d stayed together.

being able to close my own front door and it just be me and the kids, not pussy footing around someone else , or seething with resentment because I was doing all the work while they sat on their arse; it’s no harder work being alone, but a lot less anger inducing :)

my ex and I get on, we spend Christmas Day with the kids, manage all the school stuff together - but that’s because we aren’t together.

I do have a partner but we don’t love together and don’t intend to til my kids are grown

i honestly love my life post split

@Shylo that's great I know we will get on really well and I totally agree I do ALL the housework cooking cleaning washing he did nothing I work full time same as him. But even though it will still be me doing it I won't feel bitter because there's no other option but me to do it. Tbh my house won't need nowhere near as much tidying lol he's worse than 2 kids tbh. Glad you've found happiness

@DragMeOutOfIt @mswales sounds great thank you for your stories 😊

Me and my husband are in the initial stages of separation.
I still love him, but not in a romantic way because of things he has done in the past.
I am terrified I am making the wrong choice, of breaking the news to the kids, of ruining everyone's life.
We still live together but sleep in separate rooms. Financially we can't split our living arrangements and as we get on well and I still care about him, we are trying to remain as a family as much as we can.
Really interested to hear stories from others, especially those who weren't sure and there was no definitive breaking point.
Husband was unfaithful, once, a long time ago, and I've never moved past it.

@Freeflight I'm the same still living together as it isn't financial viable to live separately at the moment he will need to find a flat furnish it deposit etc. And I need to see if I am entitled to any universal credit otherwise I will be moving back in with my mum not something I want to do living in a bedroom with 2 kids but what other choice will I have. I love my husband can't just switch it off but I think im missing the life I had not him. Yes I want to be able to get my kids what they want like I do now it just won't be possible when I'm alone. That's what I'm sad about more than him

53, divorced 7 years ago after 20 years together, had another 4 year relationship that I ended in June last year.

I'm fabulously single. My house, my finances, my cat. I'm happy 😊

@Freeflight - was in a similar situation to you so hopefully can offer something here.

We did not separate because of infidelity or throwing crockery at each other or domestic violence but looking back more just drifted apart amid some resentment about what we saw as each other's shortcomings in the marriage.

We did stay in the same domestic arrangement as you have for a while to sort things out to the financial benefit of us both.

Telling the kids is hard and depending on how old they are you need to give them a bit of space after to work things out but (taking cue from your description) if you and your soon to be ex can present a united front and give reassurance it helps. We made an agreement immediately that neither would criticise the other to the kids and I think that is the right thing.

You say you still love him but not romantically - well given the infidelity (and like you I wouldn't be able to move on from that) I suspect it is more that you care for his wellbeing and helping the kids.

I wish you well in this - it is always difficult in this situation but you sound like you are taking the right approach. My last word is to say focus on the big things - get things like accommodation and financial arrangements agreed - arguing about who is having which DVD or ornament really isn't worth the bother