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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How much communication do you need ?

30 replies

Livelifelaughter · 31/01/2023 12:51

Am in mid 50s. Have been dating a guy the same age for 6 plus months. We talk every day on the phone, see each other twice to three times a week and stay the night. We have had 3 weekends away.He has been separated 3 years from his wife and are divorcing. When we are together it's really lovely, he goes out of his way for me, meets me at my office we have lots of physical intimacy and we talk about lots of personal things, ....but he barely messages me during the day and I hate it, it makes me feel anxious. I know he likes to have space and has self confessed commitment issues, he isn't someone who finds it easy to talk about feelings. Maybe I am reading too much or putting too much weight on just this aspect of messages... would it bother you?

OP posts:

Original poster

Livelifelaughter · 31/01/2023 18:57

PousseyNotMoira · 31/01/2023 17:17

And you have time for messaging all day and daily phone calls? I’m genuinely not understanding how. If you’ve a day full of meetings (just an example, not sure if meetings are any party of what you do), when do you fire off these texts? And why?

If you’re out for dinner with friends, or in the middle of book club (random hobby example), do you step away and ring him?

Unless something is sacrificed, the level of contact you want isn’t really practical for most people with busy lives. I would find it hugely onerous and I’d also question why anyone required that much contact.

This isn’t to say your needs are wrong or that the chap who will give you this level of attention doesn’t exist. However, he’s unlikely to be a man with much else going on.

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I'm not suggesting all day ! Just maybe a hello type message in the morning. If one of us is out in the evening we will call when we get home if not too late or message.

OP posts:

PousseyNotMoira · 31/01/2023 19:07

Livelifelaughter · 31/01/2023 18:57

I'm not suggesting all day ! Just maybe a hello type message in the morning. If one of us is out in the evening we will call when we get home if not too late or message.

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Okay, that’s considerably less full on than I had feared! It would still be too much for me (a ‘hello’ every morning would probably make me dump someone), but it’s not super out there.

Original poster

Livelifelaughter · 31/01/2023 19:43

PousseyNotMoira · 31/01/2023 19:07

Okay, that’s considerably less full on than I had feared! It would still be too much for me (a ‘hello’ every morning would probably make me dump someone), but it’s not super out there.

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But its still helpful to have your view. The general trend seems to be that I am asking too much.

OP posts:

Johnisafckface · 31/01/2023 20:01

He sounds great to me. I hate constant texting and aren't phone convos more intimate? I'd prefer phone calls over texting. With all the calls and days you spend together I would think that's more than enough for you to know he cares and wants to be with you. To me random texts throughout the day don't really mean anything, I'd rather have a conversation.

Watchkeys · 31/01/2023 23:12

You want to base your life on what the 'general opinion' is? Do you want to be Ms General? Wouldn't you like to be Ms LoveLifeLaughter Does Stuff Her Own Way?

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