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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He cheated - what do I do?

8 replies

broken101 · 31/01/2023 11:39

I received a message from a woman at the beginning of the year saying she had been having an affair with my husband for five years. She had proof and it completely floored me as he just isn't the type. I'm in shock! To make it worse he kept on lying!! He admitted the affair but said it only happened a couple of times. The other women had proof that it had been pretty much constant for five years and that three years ago she was pregnant with his baby and had a termination. I just can't believe he would do this to me and the kids. What makes it even worse is that she is absolutely gorgeous...I feel ugly and worthless. I'm obsessed with trawling through her social media and looking at her...it's like torture.

I am at a loss at what to do. I still love him but I know I could never trust him again and things would never be the same. I am from overseas and ideally would like to move back to have the support of my parents, but my husband would fight legally to stop that happening. It feels like my options are to stay here with him and be unhappy, or move home without the kids which would kill me. Please does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 31/01/2023 11:44

Move home with the kids, do it before he can take you court.

mamnotmum · 31/01/2023 11:54

Move home with the kids. Get them settled in school etc very quickly.

He can then take you to court but once you prove the kids are happy and settled etc it's unlikely they'll move them away from their mother. And also would be be willing to care for them full time with you in another country? I suspect maybe not?

LaLuz7 · 31/01/2023 11:55

You leave, that's what you do.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/01/2023 11:58

You divorce.

Absolutely and utterly.

Been there, done that, hung on, shouldn't have.

I expect, although I'm not sure for certain, you will realise in time you don't love him at all. How can you? He's awful. You might be clinging on to memories of love.

broken101 · 31/01/2023 12:14

arethereanyleftatall · 31/01/2023 11:58

You divorce.

Absolutely and utterly.

Been there, done that, hung on, shouldn't have.

I expect, although I'm not sure for certain, you will realise in time you don't love him at all. How can you? He's awful. You might be clinging on to memories of love.

My rational mind knows this is the sensible thing to do but I am still so shocked I can't act on it. It hasn't sunk in yet. I just want my life back! :-(

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 31/01/2023 12:16

What a wanker. Start making plans and researching first steps re moving home. You don’t have to do it all at once - just make the first little step and see where you are then.

Dery · 31/01/2023 12:49

OP - sorry about your situation. The advice to move home with your children is reckless - you could be prosecuted for child abduction: www.hcch.net/en/instruments/conventions/specialised-sections/child-abduction. You need to take legal advice before taking such a step.

broken101 · 31/01/2023 12:51

Dery · 31/01/2023 12:49

OP - sorry about your situation. The advice to move home with your children is reckless - you could be prosecuted for child abduction: www.hcch.net/en/instruments/conventions/specialised-sections/child-abduction. You need to take legal advice before taking such a step.

Thank you. This is what worries me most!

OP posts:
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