Married and live with a narcissist wife with 2 young kids who i adore. First 11 years she was infactuated by me, often uncomfortable and felt a bit weird. She was very jealous of me working with girls etc.
In Jan last year she went very cold all of a sudden. After tons of gaslighting, i found out she was having an affair in the april. complete and utter shocked and devastated.
she showed real signs of remorse and i stopped the divorce shortly before she was due to move out. I wanted to keep my family together.
we had 6 months of happiness and intamacy (or it was for me at least) and she spent a fortune on me at xmas. 2 weeks later....cold again. She wasnt happy, felt like we were just friends with no spark. Im beyond confused. I gave her attention, forgiveness, financial stability etc
so now i think ive been taken for a complete mug. She just didnt want to move out and look after herself. She has always had me looking after her, paying the bills etc
4 days ago i told her id had enough and wanted to split (partly to get a reaction after trying everything else). She agreed
we're now talking to solicitors about divorce. With all of the narc abuse, i have severe trauma bond. I still cant accept someone who was once so nice and loved by everyone could turn so horrible. Breaks my heart
We have verbally agreed that i will buy out her equity as she cant buy me out. i know i need to go no contact, but with kids its hard. My parents live 2 streets away and i can go there but im worried she'll then apply to keep the house until my 6 year old is 18 and i cant then get another mortgage while still paying for this one
i think she is seeing her affair partner again and frankly, i fear for what shes capable of. Every word out of her mouth is a lie. Im worried she'll turn the kids against me.
do i run for my life now for my own sanity or stay until the divorce is done which would be at least 6 months. Why do i still long for the old version of her? Why cant i hate her? My anxiety is out of control. I see a therapist and take medication by the way. I know the old version of her is dead but still struggle with it. Id tell any mate to get out but i feel trapped
any advice would be great