First argument and so scared I ruined it

[themissy7]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months. It’s been wonderful… he’s so loving, kind, we have the best time together. We’ve had the odd bicker over tiny things but never anything of note.

He’s always been so happy and excited to see me, initiates conversation and meeting up, i know he always is wanting to speak to me even if we don’t / if we’re busy.

I know what I’m about to say might sound pathetic but I’m a huge worrier.

I have been feeling really anxious recently and sometimes I have anxious attachment. Today I got particularly upset because I’ve communicated to him that I really love little things like notes and little gifts. I had a really bad day today, and some bad news, and he was in my flat until he had to go to work - and he hadn’t left anything for me, so I got in a bit of a spiral how I always communicate my needs and I feel he doesn’t listen.

YES I know I was in the wrong and I’m not questioning that, but emotions were high.

Anyway, we both get a bit angry at each other over text, and he tells me that he’s never argued like that with a girlfriend (bearing in mind we didn’t say anything nasty) and that, he can’t believe he’s saying this because he always wants to talk to me, but he really needs an hour or two away from me. He said he’d never feel that way towards me.

I understand that people need space to cool off. But I’m a massive overthinker and I worry he’ll never see me the same way and this has ruined things.
How do people deal with the first arguments? Because I feel really sick and worried that even if we patch it up, it’s skewed his whole view of me? Is this realistic??

Well of course his view of you is going to change, it's supposed to! The whole purpose of dating is to get to know someone better. Now you have had an argument you both have a better idea of what you are like.

Like others I'm curious about the whole notes/small gift thing. You say that's what you like, but does your boyfriend get a say in this? (I'm assuming you mean a little handwritten note and not just a text.) Someone who wanted that type of reassurance would drive me crazy. What was your boyfriend's response or it?

You need to learn some self soothing techniques, if therapy hasn't worked yet more and try different. Or find someone who has a similar attachment style to you, although it would be curious how you would cope with each other's neediness...

If you wish honesty. this level of neediness few people could deal with, the expectation he needs to leave you notes and gifts like this is totally unacceptable. The fact you’ve these needs does not mean they are acceptable. You are making your issues his.

im sorry but if I was with someone who behaved like this I’d end it.

id urge you to get some more help, that when you feel the need to make these demands , and then behave poorly when you don’t get what you want, then you are able to stop yourself.

this is the whole point of dating. It’s gettting to know each other. You can only hide who you are for so long. At some point the Real you makes an appearance. Which is what’s just happened. And it’s not for him.

i doubt he will end it now, but I also think much more of this and he will be out and he will he wary that you will try to bully him and emotionally blackmail him into constant validation