To ask about future plans or too soon?

[butterflyxo]

Hi everyone,

So I'm in a new relationship, 2 months in and wondering if I've made the right decision for me. Can't stress enough he's amazing so far.

We're both 24 and want the same things (specifically marriage & kids) however I'm not sure our timelines are the same.

My ex left me when I found out I was pg & am scared to go through a similar situation. Sadly I miscarried but since that situation I've realised I want to get married before having kids and am ready to settle down.

He's the sweetest guy and don't want to scare him off by bringing up the convo too soon, equally I don't want to waste my time & heartache if he doesn't want kids for another 10+ yrs.

Should I bring this topic up yet? If so, how to put it lightly so I don't sound insane? Haven't told DP about what happened with ex.
Any advice welcome :)

Just start a conversation about whether he wants kids at all, that’s pretty normal to discuss early in a relationship. Timescales will probably come up naturally.

Too soon for the convo. You're 24. There's no urgency here. Six months down the line you'll know more. Relax.

I think it's far too soon given your age and you've only been dating for 2 months.,not many 24 year old men are thinking about babies these days after such a short time.

If at 24, someone I was seeing for 2 months asked me about marriage and kids I'd be running for the hills.

@LeapingCat asked if he wanted kids, answer was yes but no mention of timelines.

@CalistoNoSolo Majority of my friends are the same as you but really feel ready to settle down and wondering now if should've held out and picked someone slightly older.

You’ve been together for 8 Saturdays. It’s far too soon. However you’re not likely to become less fixated with timelines, so ask and if he runs, then you know. And yes perhaps look for some a little older then next time round. I do think a fixation on marriage and kids at 24 might be off putting to anyone though

We'll both be turning 25 this month if that makes any difference.. haha

Thank you for everyone being honest, it does feel way too soon to bring up the convo and will follow my gut instinct & everyone's advice on this one.

Don't want marriage & kids now but would be lovely to know it'd be on the cards in the next few years. Just scared to death of being messed around for 2/3 years and then having to start over, AIBU or is this normal?

Even if you had a good couple years together and it doesn’t work out it’s not the end of the world, you’re soooo young!

2 months in is way too soon in most situations. Realistically, most people don’t get married til 30 ish or later now. You barely know each other still. Give it 6 months. Enjoy your time together.

When I met Dh, we did have a serious talk about marriage and children at about 6 months. But it was a very intense relationship as we were living abroad and in a very tight circle of English speaking expats, so we pretty much saw each other 6 days out of 7 from the day we met. We also lived in different countries back home so either it had to get serious quickly or it had to fizzle out.

Realistically, most people want marriage and children ‘someday’ in their 20s. But even 2-3 years from now is very soon. You’ll be more likely to scare the shit out of him than spark up a meaningful conversation at this point. Give it time. Get to know each other. No rush to have babies. They are enormously stressful and hard on a relationship. If you do genuinely see a future together, give it the best shot to can to get off the ground and make the most of fun times together now.

I agree with the others.

Do you want marriage and children with him or to just find a man who is willing to marry and have children with you?

How do you know, after 2 months, that he is the man you want to marry and have children with? The answer is - you don't. And neither will he.