Guy I was seeing won’t stop trying to get my attention

[imnotsickbutimnotwell]

Hi everyone,

Sorry that this is long it’s useful to write it out to be honest!!!

I posted a year or so ago under a different name about a relationship I was in that was making me unhappy. Basically it started off as a casual thing which I was fine with, we know each other from a group we attend and have mutual friends.

In the end it was red flag after red flag and making me miserable. Actions not matching words, manipulation and just generally making me feel rubbish. I tried several times to end it but he kept sucking me back in. He is incredibly self absorbed and thinks of himself as god like and is desperate for attention even negative attention (picking arguments with friends etc).

When I posted here before everyone told me to block him and explain to the mutual friends that I had no option but to do this etc. So I did that and then instead of messaging he was all over my social media commenting and liking posts within seconds etc. This went on for months but all got too much and I blocked him from social media several months ago.

Then he started posting but just writing my name out because he couldn't tag me and also posted saying his phone must be broken as he couldn't see my posts anymore.

He has also gone round all our mutual friends discussing it and trying to get me back via them. Most of them realise what's going on and that is is a master manipulator some of them have unfortunately been taken in by it and feel sorry for him.

Thankfully I haven’t seen him in person for a long time and then we had a brief conversation where he tried every trick in the book to get me back. It won’t be long before our paths do cross again though due to the schedules of the group we are both in.

Now he is messaging other people asking them to pass on messages just random nonsense about for example a band I like has a new album out. This is a game to him though to see if he can succeed in contacting me and trying to get a response. The mutual friend said “he just wants you to know about the new album” which is nonsense because obviously if I’m a fan I already know and I don’t need him to tell me about it via a friend.

I've had enough of it. A year ago I told him his behaviour was not acceptable and the friendship / relationship was over. Any normal person would have backed off. When I realised he had again tried to contact me via someone else today I burst into tears at work. I didn’t realise quite how much this has affected me this last year.

Do I unblock him and send him one last message being clear not to contact me?
He would love that though because he will be happy I’ve finally responded.

I am keeping a log of it all in case it escalates.

Thank you for any advice

Don't respond to him in any way, shape or form. Every time you respond you're rewarding him for his persistence. You need to tell your friends not to pass on any messages from him and if they continue to do so, you may have to cut ties.

This 👆

Do not respond to him; you must maintain radio silence. Such disordered of thinking people regard a response as a reward so do not give him any response.

I would also consider contacting the police re his ongoing harassment.

I would consider his behaviour borderline stalking. Honestly I'd go to the police. Sorry this is happening

Keep silent.
Ask your mutual friends not to pass on messages.

Third person here saying this is stalking and harassment. Police.

And don't respond, whatever you do. That's just teaching him what gets your attention.

Thank you, I remember your advice from last time.

Weirdly I was just reading my previous posts and exactly a year ago today you said to me “Stop messaging him at all now and completely block him on all channels. Communicating with him keeps a door open that should remain closed.”

I just thought are you supposed to send one final message so they know you are serious? I feel it would be rewarding him though. When actually I want him to think that whatever he does isn’t going to get a reaction.

Our paths will probably cross in person soon and he will just walk up to me like nothing has happened and try to talk to me. He is that brazen.

Thank you to everyone else that has replied also. I didn’t think it would constitute stalking but I am going to go and count how many times he has tried to make contact after I asked him to leave me alone etc.

I just thought are you supposed to send one final message so they know you are serious? I feel it would be rewarding him though. When actually I want him to think that whatever he does isn’t going to get a reaction

Replying to him IS the reaction he wants - anything that shows he can yank your chain and he's still in your head.

Please, contact the police. This lowlife is not going to give up.

This is already stalking and may escalate, as everyone has said. Paladin is an advocacy service for victims of this type of harassment - they have a website and will probably be able to advise on your best course of action. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

www.paladinservice.co.uk/

He has also gone round all our mutual friends discussing it and trying to get me back via them. Most of them realise what's going on and that is is a master manipulator some of them have unfortunately been taken in by it and feel sorry for him.

I'm afraid you are probably going to have to cut out some friends too. Becuase this is what jumped out at me from your post. If a friend of mine broke up with a man, and then subsequently felt she had to block him becuase he was hounding her and then the man started asking me to pass messages along... well, let's just say the man wouldn't get a very positive response from me.

If he has manipulated them to this extent, at best, they are just incredibly gullible. At worst, they are buying into whatever bullshit he's telling them.

I would also consider contacting your local police force for advice. Ours has a handy facebook messenger service where you give them some info and they advise on whether you should report, ignore etc.