Sleeping at different times

[ToastAndButler]

As I get older, I find that my natural hours for sleep are changing. I used to think of myself as a night owl but now I'm ready for bed at 10pm (and that's me making a nod to convention- actually I'd rather be in bed by 9pm) and wake up at 5am. I've recently given up alcohol and that's just made me even more aware of it (previously I'd be ready for bed quite early but would have a glass of wine as a pick-me-up and keep going).

I'm really enjoying my early nights and early mornings- getting up at 5 means I can drink my tea in peace, do my tai chi without being disturbed, get the house in order etc before anyone else is up. However, I'm now really out of sync with DH.

He rarely finishes work before 8pm and so we tend to eat about then. With me off to bed at 10, we don't get a lot of evening together. We also can't watch films etc except at the weekend as I'm always ready for bed before the end. It's also not great for our sex life as I'm always asleep when he comes to bed and by the time he wakes up in the morning I've been up for hours (kids at home so daytime sex is off the cards.)

Just wondered how other people managed? I've tried forcing myself to stay up but I just end up falling asleep on the sofa, which I hate.

I have a similar pattern to you and my husband stays up later- usually until 11ish but we go upstairs together and have a cuddle, sleep in separate rooms anyway so it’s all good

Maybe you just need to change your routines a bit, why not have sex before dinner?

We don't have to respond to our 'natural hours for sleep'. This is about what you're choosing to prioritise. A bit like saying 'My husband wants us to spend time together at 7pm, but I like to go to the gym then. How do we deal with this?'

You decide what's most important to you, and you do it. You can change when you need to sleep with one late night or early morning.

I think maybe it's just that your expectations for what other people are doing during the week may be too high. Dh and I go to bed around the same time 10-11pm depending on the night. But we are too busy to watch tv or have sex or do anything other than tidy up the kitchen, shower and go to bed on weeknights. Kids not to sleep until 8:30-9pm, then we load the dishwasher, walk the dog, a few last emails of the day, shower and bed. We stay up maybe an extra hour at the weekend to watch some tv and chat.

It sounds like early to bed is a good thing for you. And really, 9-10pm is not an usually early bedtime on a weeknight. I think the issue might be more that your partner is getting home from work quite late. Definitely on the nights I get home at 8pm or if dh does, we barely see each other before crashing into bed.