Sorry long one, mostly a rant!
I am seriously reaching the point of wondering do I end my marriage. We have been married 8 years, No children. My husband is retired, has been struggling with his mental health for a long while, used to be a health professional so is very good at self diagnosing but not seeking help. I work for a small company, we might be about to make millions, or not! I’m 56 and plan to retire in about 3 years time. We both have parents in their 90s. The difference being I am an only child, have always had a close relationship with them, and go and see them every 2/3 weeks. My husband has a sister who lives with his mother, and we go and see them maybe 4 times a year.
my husband hates me going to work and seeing my parents, and tells me that I should leave both of them and we should do things together. My argument is that I enjoy my work, we need the money, and I love my parents, none of which seems unreasonable to me. Most weekends and evenings are spent with my husband feeling ill, or sad, or we have been so angry with each other that we are sitting in opposite sides of the house in silence, that any suggestion we do something is rejected.
Probably 80% of the time I go to my parents or away for work (which is 1 or 2 days a week I get phone calls from him berating me for ‘pissing off and leaving home alone’
We have moved twice now to try to find somewhere he is happy (both houses were my ‘forever’ house, but despite him assuring me that he would build a life in both places he has just sunk further into depression). Now he says he wants to go and live in Mexico/Bermuda/Spain……Currently we are in rented, which he again is hating, and wants us to break the contract and move somewhere else.
I don’t have any brain space left. My parents have just returned home after a spell in respite care due to an accident, and I am just waiting for the next crisis calll for them, I pick up most of the domestic load, I have been my husband’s psychological support for so long, and I just managed our house move……I just want to be…..
When he is there I love him, and I know he loves me, but I am trying to work out, am I being selfish in wanting to settle down, work and see my parents. There is plenty of time to do things together but he is never well enough to do them. If we find a place to be together, will he be happy, will that make us happy…..or as I am more scared about will the cycle repeat and repeat
Lots of other stuff that I won’t go into here or this will turn into a book. A rant! Feels better to put it out into the world!