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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think I want to be alone forever

20 replies

Vickyglitz · 29/01/2023 21:59

I got divorced 2 years ago. I met a man and we moved in together after a year of dating. He wants to relocate eventually to another country with me and he always wants to spend time together but I’m so happy on my own that I find spending time with him to be a chore. I can sit around doing my own thing for hours and I don’t want to be disturbed. I love being alone and I have lots of hobbies. I don’t know if I’m weird but I’m considering breaking up with him as he’s always go go go. Also I just got my flat back, I had a terrible divorce and I just want some time to breathe and not chase the next goal. I don’t think we are on the same page. I’m 35. I have a son and I don’t need anyone else, but I’m wondering if I will eventually get bored of being alone.

OP posts:
nc1013 · 29/01/2023 22:03

It all sounds a bit fast & full on to be living together after a year when you've only been divorced for 2 years- more so because you have a DS

Rather than being alone it sounds like you might be better dating and taking it slow

Littlemountainhum · 29/01/2023 22:03

It’s not him or nothing. He’s not right for you right now.

Abasnada · 29/01/2023 22:06

I’d dump him. Enjoy the time you’ve got now for yourself knowing that the time might come in the future for someone really special to enter your life.

FatsiaJaponica567 · 29/01/2023 22:15

I think this could a question of right person, wrong timing op.

You haven’t had time to recover from your divorce yet and probably need a bit of space.

You could just take it very slowly though. If you mean that your dp is always ‘go, go, go’ personality wise, then that could work well eventually if you are more of a homebody with your crafts etc, as he will be out a lot.

If you mean ‘go,go, go’ in terms of the relationship though, I can’t see it working right now. And you are only young yet so no need to make a definitive decision right now about whether you will want a partner in the future. There will be other opportunities.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 29/01/2023 23:10

I think you already know what you want to do and that is ok to want to be alone. I love my alone time and my son and my dog are my company in the evenings. I do not want to date and will never live with a man again as love my own space and happier alone without the demands of a man and his needs. You really did not have much time alone in between your break up and this man and he seems too full on. Just take a bit of time to see do you miss him first and take it from there.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 29/01/2023 23:13

Not the relationship for you at this time.
Just call it a day and love how you want to.
Maybe one day you'll want something else, but right now, you don't want him.

Goatbilly · 30/01/2023 05:38

You may want to be single for the rest of your life and find peace in it but right now it doesn't appear that you want to be in a relationship. Does the other man want / have how own children? Do you see "blending" families as an option (one day)?

KangarooKenny · 30/01/2023 06:53

Do you actually want to move to another country and, presumably, leave your son ?

liveforsummer · 30/01/2023 06:55

This man now or being alone forever aren't the only options OP. Sounds like you want and need to be alone just now. Doesn't mean you have to commit to being alone forever.

Bananalanacake · 30/01/2023 07:14

Why move in so quickly, you can have a relationship without living together. I never lived with a bf until I got married, I love my own space.

Oblomov22 · 30/01/2023 07:19

Read that back. Terrible divorce and immediately started dating someone equally unsuitable, who you moved in with after a year. It's bad. How can you not see this? Get some counselling and review your boundaries.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/05/2023 16:28

Don't worry about forever

You find being with this man a chore and don't want to spend time with him. Unless you're depressed you shouldn't be in a relationship with him

whichwayisup · 26/05/2023 16:42

I'm with you. 9 months into my divorce and I am so much happier on my own. Will never live with a man again. Don't think I'll ever even date again. Life is nice without it.

Deathbyfluffy · 26/05/2023 16:45

whichwayisup · 26/05/2023 16:42

I'm with you. 9 months into my divorce and I am so much happier on my own. Will never live with a man again. Don't think I'll ever even date again. Life is nice without it.

With respect, that’s probably down to your ex - when you meet the right person life together is wonderful.
Don’t let yesterday’s clouds ruin tomorrow’s sky 😊

Qwertyyui · 26/05/2023 18:00

My DH is moving out. We are staying married and living apart because I want my own space. He's a wonderful man but for me being alone is more appealing. No more snoring or having to think about someone else when I put my 'rubbish' TV on. I know it is not standard to live like this but I am hoping it saves us from divorce. There is no abuse I don't want to navigate sharing my home again. He has 2 DC and I have 1. Sometimes people are not designed to live with other people and I don't think there is anything wrong with that! We tried and if he is unhappy with this then we will have to end things fully but I know we will be friends if that happens. My 1st husband was the same. A wonderful man, a great father I just didn't want to think of someone else and loved being alone. We are still incredibly close and he is a very important part of my life and always be.I am aware I am the problem. If this doesn't work I will be alone going forward as it is not fair on the next person I think it might be different with.

Watchkeys · 26/05/2023 18:04

Just do what makes you happy. You might want a relationship in a while, you might not. It doesn't matter. You might get run over by a bus. You might win a million quid. Deal with what comes when it comes.

Alcemeg · 26/05/2023 18:08

You want to be alone. There's nothing wrong with that! Enjoy your life!

Never say never, but now is not the time for halfhearted entanglements.

Just scrap the "forever" as you can't predict the future.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/05/2023 18:11

Qwertyyui · 26/05/2023 18:00

My DH is moving out. We are staying married and living apart because I want my own space. He's a wonderful man but for me being alone is more appealing. No more snoring or having to think about someone else when I put my 'rubbish' TV on. I know it is not standard to live like this but I am hoping it saves us from divorce. There is no abuse I don't want to navigate sharing my home again. He has 2 DC and I have 1. Sometimes people are not designed to live with other people and I don't think there is anything wrong with that! We tried and if he is unhappy with this then we will have to end things fully but I know we will be friends if that happens. My 1st husband was the same. A wonderful man, a great father I just didn't want to think of someone else and loved being alone. We are still incredibly close and he is a very important part of my life and always be.I am aware I am the problem. If this doesn't work I will be alone going forward as it is not fair on the next person I think it might be different with.

When you say you're going to not end in divorce but you want to be alone and not think about someone else, where does that leave you tho? Are you still hoping to have a relationship, a sexual one as well as one that involves doing stuff together, or just coparenting but not divorced?

Qwertyyui · 26/05/2023 18:30

Currently I see it as us seeing each other a few times a week and having the 'highlights' of marriage. Happy Times, no drama, no expectations we date and holiday together and just have fun. Nobody asks about dishes or mowing the lawn as it is my house and my responsibility so I wouldn't expect him to do any of that.

If this doesn't work out and he envisages a future where we move back in together then that is not really an option for me (maybe at retirement age it might be something I think about but not in the next 20 years) then we will go our separate ways and stay friends like I am with DH1 where we go places as friends!

For me I doubt I would be bothered about meeting someone romantically if this doesn't work. I just cannot be bothered. I love cinema trips alone, I go out with my dog a lot happily by myself. I really enjoy my own company and as much as I really enjoy sex I have my wand so wouldn't be looking to have that side either! I just want a quiet easy life where I don't have to factor someone else's needs into my thought process! Sounds selfish I guess but my happiness is my priority!

MintJulia · 26/05/2023 18:36

Why are you in such a rush? You could be spending a lovely relaxed summer with your DS, going on an occasional date and being completely self indulgent.

I'd extract myself from the relationship, slow down and think again in the autumn.

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