Sex

[Rosey6557]

I’ve been with my husband for 11 years and we are both in our 30s.

He works out of the country quite a lot so when he’s home we used to always make time for sex, especially in the early days.

These days he’s just not interested. I try to initiate it and he will make up an excuse. Sometimes I think he will purposely drink alcohol as he knows I don’t go near him when he does, just to get out of having sex/being intimate with me.

We discussed it on Friday and had arranged to have a go at things on Sunday (tonight). An hour ago I told him I was off for a shower and he said why, you had one this morning? and seemed confused. This is from a man who always showers before sex and likes it when I do too. I took the hint and got ready for bed without showering. He’s come to the bedroom and fallen out with me saying I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill and he doesn’t understand why I make such a big deal out of things.

I get virtually no attention from him and tonight has just tipped me over the edge.

Am I being too needy?

Does he have someone else out there?

Sounds like he is getting it elsewhere

He just wouldn’t have the time to get it from somewhere else, he never has time to himself.

Hes just told me he’s very upset that I’m making him feel this way.

Could he may recently have started to suffer from ED?

I'd say he's leading a double life somewhere else. Probably best to consider your options. How long has he avoided you for? At your ages it would be unusual for a man to lose the urge, so I'd say there is likely someone else, somewhere else.
You don't have to accuse him though if you think he will lie about it. If it's been a long time, you could just say celibacy is not for you so you'd like to end it and find someone who is up for a full relationship with you - he can't argue with that.

I initially thought OW.
I don't think he's treating you well.
You don't deserve that, i feel sad for you.

Stress with work, low testosterone, ED other issues?

@Rosey6557
Sad to say but they’ve always got time for a love interest elsewhere! Even if it’s in cupboard at work after everyone’s gone home.

I truly hope he is not playing away but if you absolutely trust him then maybe a night away, some counselling etc might open up a window for discussion about your marriage?

What's the alternative? A sad celibate marriage stretching ahead of you?
I hope you can get to the bottom of his reticence.

How would you know how busy he is when working abroad? There is always opportunity, he may claim he's working all hours, but I doubt you could prove that.
He wouldnt be the first'hard working' man who turns out to be actually having an affair.

If its a genuine problem he's got, he should have no qualms with getting checked out at his GP's as its not normal - don't let him gaslight you into thinking it is. If he won't seek help to rectify it, it's totally fair of you to call time.

Healthy men in their thirties don't go off sex.
Something isn't right here. Health? Stress?Needs met elsewhere?

I don't think it's because he's getting sex elsewhere. If he's having sex when he's abroad for work then he'll definitely have sex with his wife when he's at home, especially if it's on a plate for him.

A woman having an affair will be put off having sex with her husband. She's getting her "fix" elsewhere. A man having an affair is different, he'll take sex wherever and whenever it's offered, including with the wife he's cheating on.

Not necessarily. A friend of mine, her husband was having an affair, and he and the woman had promised each other they wouldn't have sex with their own spouses and they stuck to that promise. Their marriages had no chance.

There's always time if they want to find it my ex was shagging ow in his lunch hour in the office.

It's a myth that men having affairs want more sex and not less, it differs. Mine went more and developed new moves was one of the things made me suspicious, but I've had friends in similar situations and their partners/husbands had less/stopped altogether.

I'm also wondering in a weird way if he's protecting you op? Maybe he has an sti he's being treated for that he doesn't want to pass on to you?

He works out of the country quite a lot
Really?

What do you get from the relationship op?

He's either getting it elsewhere, either cheating or porn.

It's a bit of a red flag that he's diverting the problem onto you and making out that he is the victim of how you have made him feel. Tell him straight that it is normal for 30 somethings to have sex, that you are aware that he doesn't want to and therefore you would like to know what the problem is.

And if you don't have kids, end this marriage.