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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mummy's boy?

2 replies

anya21 · 29/01/2023 20:14

I am a 20 and dating a 24 year old Asian man for 2 years. He has a lovely personality and is really funny and kind. When we met he had saved around £20k from working hard. My lives with his mumand step dad, His dm has repeatwdky abadnoned him throughout his childhood ( for years at a time) A year or so ago she opened a business emotionally blackmailing him to lend her more and more money, until it is nealy all gone. The business is not doing great and she is now pressuring him to work every night once he finishe his day job and on one of his 2 days off a week. I hardly see him and when i do he is exhausted (both physical jobs)
I met him through working with his mum and she liked me , but now i dont think she does.I stayed at their place once and she really wasnt niceto me. She spoke to bf all the time in their native language and then complained i was too quiet!

I am annoted that she has bled him of all his money and now sh is bleeding him of all his time.He has a vey fiery relationship with his mum and they yell at each other a lot and then she cries and makes him feel guilty.He has given up trying to ask for a repayment on the loan because she pulls the yelling/crying routibe every time

I really love him and i think he loves me, but i am concerned he is a mummys boy and don't want to marry and start a family with someone who is not going to put his wife and kids first
AIBU to think he will change once we are living together?

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 29/01/2023 20:20

He definitely won't and unfortunately this is a situation which he has to deal with if he doesn't it will just become your problem as well.

I'd have a gentle conversation with him and see how he feels about it and if he is actually open to making an effort to change their relationship.

TeamHerbivore · 29/01/2023 20:24

I wouldn’t say he’s a mummy’s boy as such based on your description. But he is being financially and emotionally abused by his mother.

It can be hard to see that and break free unfortunately. You could try to help him see it, but if he’s not open to that, I wouldn’t consider living together and would probably end the relationship.

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