I met a guy 4 months ago on a dating app and became infatuated, connected & all round attracted to eachother. We have the same morals, goals, most of the same interests and have the same traits; sensitive, passive, passionate and creative/quirky. We're compatible for the most part but Im a classical musician and feel I cant share that side of me (a BIG part of my life!). He is an artist, though and we bond over creativity as we both love it. We're both approaching 30 and want the same things, a long term secure relationship which leads to marriage & kids. It seems we both had bad experiences in the past and this has been EVERYTHING we wanted. He is patient, kind, loving, fun, sweet, honest, placid yet passionate, intelligent, ambitious, sophisticated, funny and so selfless. I have never in my 29yrs been treated like this and up until now we had no issues.
However, at the start of our fourth month, out of nowhere i became overwhelmed. He is highly social and will go out most nights, only for a quick drink with a friend or two and if not them, his family who he is utterly close with. I am more introverted and prefer more daytime coffee dates with my friends. He has introduced me to around 20 new people all of whom are great; theyre all creatives and ive bonded with all of them. They all welcomed me into their huge circle so nicely and i fed off this throughout the first 3 months but i began to feel a little socially drained as my guy would plan nights out for us very oblivious to the fact I sometimes didnt fancy like going. I told him one night and he apologised stating he was trying to mingle me in as he was so eager to get me into their circle. I thought the issue was resolved but its happened about four or five times where I have gotten irritable/tired when we're out, mostly only when with friends. Weirdly enough, the same happens when im with my own friends, I generally dont drink much and as I work in administration Im talking to 100 people a day.
The last fortnight I have been having feelings of mild depression which is very unlike me (I have pretty bad anxiety but never depression) and I initially put it down to the time of year, my boring job and even turning 30 soon. But when Im with him I have that same feeling and keep finding myself wanting alone time as opposed to spending the entire weekends with him. Its killing me as it never hit before. It makes my stomach turn as we've done so well and I believe I can see a solid future with him unlike any other relationship. Its almost as if i cant navigate the issue, I have mild intrusive thoughts about how we rushed into things and how things are different now with no obvious reason why. I dont know whats wrong and I am feeling so stir fried about him and finally cracked today and told him I feel confused, agitated and suffocated to which he held me and responded "baby, its ok to be anxious. We did go from 0-100 on month 1 and its so normal to have doubts and fears. I love you and have never ever felt this in my life". The thought of ending things gets me in tears as I believe Im in love with him and havent been without him since September the 27th, I have mild OCD and have suffered severe intrusive thoughts in the past so hoping Im just having a spell now that we booked a holiday for june and have planned more "big" things.
I'm the problem here. He has never hurt me or done anything wrong but I'm crying when I'm with him as I curse myself for not feeling sky-high on our love as i initially was. I want to stop overthinking every thought about where we should be and just go back to when we were perfect.
Thoughts welcomed