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Original poster

Please help

11 replies

LittleAsNan · 29/01/2023 16:44

I'm really hoping someone who doesn't know me or my OH can give me some advice please...

After 18 months of dating we have started talking about moving in together. He is living with parents at the minute waiting for his house to sell and his divorce to finalise. His ex and two children aged 17 and 15 still live in the martial home. I rent in a different town approximately 45 minutes away from him and my 12 year old son lives with me and goes to school here.

He is unwilling to move away from his hometown and right now I'm unable to move there. If I did, my son would have to take 3 buses after school and it would take him almost 2 hours to get home. I cannot move his school, he only changed schools less than a year ago and is now settled, doing well and has a good group of friends.

My OH reasons for wanting to stay in his town is that all of his family and friends are there and its where his social life is. I've explained that I'd move there is I could but I have to put my son first and moving schools again would affect his mental health.

I've suggested meeting half way so we're both making a sacrifice but it seems his mind is made up.

Does anyone have any advice please or am i best calling it a day with him?

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 29/01/2023 16:47

Put your son first.

Yeahrightthen · 29/01/2023 16:48

Please don’t uproot your son for a man. Especially one who doesn’t seem to give a shit about your (extremely valid) reasons for staying where you are. Either just continue seeing him but don’t move in together (wait until your son is out of high school) or call it a day.

Intriguedbythis · 29/01/2023 16:51

I would call it a day x

Swashbuckled · 29/01/2023 16:53

Yes, sounds like you're best calling it a day.

anothernailbroken · 29/01/2023 16:54

So he thinks his social life is a valid reason to stay in his hometown rather than not to uproot your your ds.
Op if this man wanted to be with you or wanted this relationship to work he would have moved. As they say if he wants to he'll find away, if he doesn't he'll find an excuse.
He's found an excuse and as you put it, it seems his mind is made up.

Greenraincoat12 · 29/01/2023 16:54

I agree with all previous posters.

itsnote · 29/01/2023 16:56

Well this is easy peasy.

This bloke will only remain interested in you whilst you are dancing to his tune.

Your Son has obviously had some difficult times already. Put him first and stay living where you are now.

Original poster
LittleAsNan · 29/01/2023 17:08

Thank you...I've spent best part of a month feeling like I'm going crazy...I guess I knew the answer all along, just needed someone impartial to spell it out for me. 🙏

OP posts:
perfectcolourfound · 29/01/2023 18:03

Definitely call it a day. He puts his social life over your son's wellbeing.

He can do that if he wants. But you can choose to put your son first and not make him move schools, or spend time with someone who doesn't consider his needs.

Wibblewibble1 · 29/01/2023 18:05

oh is giving you an ultimatum in reality - his social life or your sons education and happiness.
it’s a no brainier. This guy is selfish .

shropshire11 · 29/01/2023 18:52

You’re right to put your son first.

But more broadly, is 45 minutes of travel really impossible to overcome?

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