My mother and I have a strained relationship and haven’t seen each other since last summer. Communication has been civil/kind and friendly via text since, but we haven’t seen each other in person since June of last year.
When Christmas came around, she asked me to send her some links to things I’d like and I replied thanking her for thinking of me, but said that I wouldn’t be home for Christmas so didn’t want to ask her for any gifts. She persisted and said she’d like to get me some gifts anyway.
Christmas week rolls around and I’m told that I won’t receive the gifts unless I agree to come home and see my mother. I say that I feel my mental health takes a huge plunge when I’m around my mother and don’t feel comfortable trading my mental health and happiness for Christmas presents.
The same conversation has happened at various points since Christmas; I’ve been asked to go home and I’ve said that I don’t feel comfortable doing so. The gifts were being used as a bribe so I acknowledged the kindness of my mother to purchase and wrap them for me, but asked that they be returned.
It’s now almost February and the same conversation is happening over and over again. “Let us know when you’ll come home and open your gifts”.
I’ve been told that I’m being selfish and unkind by making my mother feel bad by not coming home and seeing her, but each time I ask that my mental health be considered too, I’m just told “think about how you’re making HER feel”.
I’m at a loss at this point as not once did I ask for any gifts. She kindly offered them. And when it became clear there were strings attached, I withdrew my acceptance of them. But the fact that I’ve made that clear in the kindest way possible, yet am still being asked to go home, see her and collect them, is really bothering me.
Advice?
Please be gentle.