Think my MIL is suffering from agoraphobia

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Wasn't sure where to post this .looking for advice .name changed.
My mil is in her 60s. She's always been quite an anxious woman. During family gatherings she would witter on strangely, and would always talk about the past. Never the present.
Our kids are nearly teenagers now and even though we live close to the inlaws we don't see much of them. They have hardly ever come to us. We used to go to them every weekend until covid.
Obviously during covid nobody could see each other. They also chose not to have the jabs. She basically shielded (but didn't have any medical need to ) and has stayed the same ever since.
In the 3 years since covid I would say we have seen her 5 times. We will leave it and see how long it takes them to get in touch and it can go months.
I used to take it very personally and thought she didn't want to see us. They have a daughter and we're very close. Daughter had a baby during covid. But since then she doesn't see her daughter or grandchild either.
My FIL sees everyone ,but always comes alone. He makes an excuse she's not well with a migraine etc . (Not possible to be ill that much)
This all culminated at Xmas when we invited them as usual and she didn't come . (Another illness) . She also didn't see her daughter and grandchild.
My SIL then invited us all for new years. Again we all went and she didn't. FIL again said she was ill.
I finally managed to have a word with my SIL about this and she said she was also concerned. She said that MIL never leaves the house at all . Doesn't see any family, go shopping etc. FIL does everything.but if we turned up at their house now she would be happy to see us because it's in her own home. SIL had spoken to FIL about this and he denied anything wrong. He enables her terribly.
We now haven't seen MIL since October last year and neither has my SIL.
What do we do going forward? How can we help when they won't admit anything is wrong? She's missing out on her grandkids lives and pushing us all away

Hi,
I have a diagnoses of agoraphobia which started over 20 years ago. Back then I felt so embarrassed to tell anyone ( including family) and the few people I did tell didn’t really understand.

I would just make up excuses to not attend social activities. It got to the point where I couldn’t really hide it anymore. I then got a lot better and was able to lead a more or less normal life but the pandemic has sent me spiralling again.

I now have been upfront about it to family and friends and if they don’t understand, well that’s on them.
Could you possibly go round there and have a chat with her and see if she opens up to you? I know I would have really appreciated that.

The problem is I am their daughter in law . So it's not really my place. They are a private family who don't discuss things. I've pushed my husband to speak to her but he's now at the point where he says he doesn't care. Because it's gone on so long and they make up so many excuses.

Their daughter tried, again an excuse was made so she said the same thing to me. It's her Loss she's not seeing any family. It's a tough situation because I do want to help but they won't let me

You sound like a kind daughter in law. There's almost certainly an agoraphobia support group out there. Get some info for your sister in law to give to her mum?

My mother had a period of it when I was a child. Totally infuriating and she would deny anything amiss.

I read somewhere that women who married dominant men when they were young are more likely to experience it.

If she lives close by could you pop in regularly to visit her and gently raise the subject? Agoraphobia, like any other mental health condition needs understanding and patience. My Mum also suffered from it and at times was quite housebound, but she learned to manage it to a certain extent. Your mother in law hasn't chosen to be this way and there will be a psychological reason underlying her fears. Your father in law probably doesn't know how to handle it so ends up enabling her for an easy life. There is help out there though, and her first step is admitting there is a problem.

I was just searching online and found your post. I’m experiencing exactly the same situation with my MIL, except we’re on the east coast of the US and my in laws are on the west coast. For me it’s the constant lying about illnesses by my MIL and FIL that I find painful. My FIL will look me (and my children) in the eye and tell untruths to cover up my MIL’s mental illness and justify years of broken commitments. I’d love to know if you have gleaned any best practices recently or at least let you know your family isn’t alone!