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Original poster

Did my partner cheat if I now have HPV

69 replies

naggy095 · 29/01/2023 11:43

I recently had a cervical biopsy which confirmed hpv associated changes. I had smear tests in 2017 and most recently March 2022, both of those tests showed no changes and all normal, so the virus has come up at some point in the past 10 months.

I understand it can lie dormant for many years, but I’ve been with my partner for almost 12 years and have never cheated on him. We’ve been together since we were teenagers and he said he was a virgin before we got together. I had 2 other sexual encounters before my partner and I got together.

Is it likely my partner has cheated and that’s how I have hpv now? In the past couple of years he’s been working a lot of overtime and has become obsessed with the gym and his appearance recently. I honestly would never imagine he’d be unfaithful

OP posts:
Fuckthatguy · 29/01/2023 13:16

@ArcticSkewer

You were implying that the OPs husband had obviously cheated but my response went over your head.

@Gwenhwyfar I’ve no doubt …

Original poster
naggy095 · 29/01/2023 13:21

I have a GP appointment next week to discuss the biopsy results so I'll get some further advice from her then.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 29/01/2023 13:22

I work in sexual health and I’d say no it doesn’t mean at all that your partner has cheated. You have likely never been tested for HPV before (it hasn’t routinely been done until the past couple years in the UK) unless you went to a clinic and had obvious symptoms (warts) and even then, they may not have tested. If you had previous sexual partners, you could very likely have gotten it from them. It takes 10-15 years in many cases for cellular changes to occur. Most people have HPV so chances are high that even with 2 partners in the past, you could have been exposed. I really wouldn’t worry about cheating unless you have reason to believe there has been cheating for totally unrelated reasons.

mindutopia · 29/01/2023 13:24

Also I’d really recommend seeing someone in sexual health services to discuss. In my personal experience, GPs are not necessarily the most knowledgeable and up to date on sexual health care.

ArcticSkewer · 29/01/2023 13:24

No, I'm not actually implying he obviously cheated.

Who knows? Why would a GP put up with the hassle of saying that when they can fall back on 'dormant for decades' or 'caught it from a toilet seat' as presumably the nurse upthread imagines.

In a game of probabilities, I know where I would put my answer, but there are always 'extreme cases' where it lies dormant for decades.

Just don't expect a medical professional to tell you what they really think the chances are, was my point.

Reallybadidea · 29/01/2023 13:24

So my understanding is that HPV only started being screened for in the last few years. This view-health-screening-recommendations.service.gov.uk/cervical-cancer/ seems to suggest that the recommendation for introduction happened in 2017 so I would imagine it's perfectly possible that your smear in 2017 didn't look for HPV. Maybe ask your GP whether this is indeed the case?

Original poster
naggy095 · 29/01/2023 13:27

@Reallybadidea my most recent smear was in 2022 but yes I'll ask that at my appointment

OP posts:
Fuckthatguy · 29/01/2023 13:32

@ArcticSkewer a myriad of reasons, one being further sexual health issues. Point was you implied he’d cheated and that was a bit shit really, as several PPs have pointed out it could be dormant. Careful what you write as putting a spin on something can have far reaching implications, one being an already stressed OP being given misinformation by posters who are not health care professionals.

Disappointingbiscuit · 29/01/2023 13:33

Same thing happened to me OP, I tested positive for HPV about 17 years into a relationship (no cell changes thankfully). I tried looking for answers online but didn't find anything. I decided to give my partner the benefit of the doubt because I literally have no other reason to think he has been unfaithful but it is still in the back of my mind occasionally. It's very frustrating.

Disappointingbiscuit · 29/01/2023 13:36

Oh and I tested clear of it a year later which makes it more annoying in a way! Though glad to be negative obviously

Mari9999 · 29/01/2023 13:41

Ask your GP. How would you feel if his first thought were to be, "did she cheat on me?"

Your GP will give you a medically informed answer about transmission and causes.

DontLikeMenthols · 29/01/2023 13:49

Chewbecca · 29/01/2023 12:56

Overtime, gym and appearance obsessive points nore definitively to unfaithfulness than HPV which could be due to many things, unfaithfulness included.

All of those things are also just things we do in life. Going to the gym to get fit and healthy, looking after our appearances and maybe getting more obsessive over them as we age & doing overtime for more money due to cost of living increase.

it depends which lens you look at life through.

nc1013 · 29/01/2023 14:09

I split from my exH in 2012, smear test was negative for HPV (also got full STD test as he had been cheating - all clear).

2015 - normal smear, HPV negative

2018 - normal smear HPV negative

2021 - borderline changes HPV positive

2022 - normal smear, HPV negative

Interesting thing is that I had zero sexual contact between 2012 and 2022 (other than fully clothed kissing).

Therefore, I don't think it indicates with 100% certainty that he has cheated. However, that's not to say he hasn't.....

rainydaysun · 29/01/2023 14:13

I don't think it works like that. I have had hpv positive smears, followed by negative smears where I thought my body cleared it - only for it to reappear.

I would talk to your GP as the internet is full of horror stories and try not to assume the worst case

palelavender · 29/01/2023 22:55

Lobster's nurse was right. This what a dermatology site says:

Cutaneous infection is mostly associated with HPV types 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, and 10, which cause common, flat, and plantar warts.
Non-sexually acquired HPV with the HPV types above (HPV types 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, and 10) can occasionally affect the skin of the anogenital region. Examples of transmission include:
Autoinoculation from a viral wart elsewhere on the body, typically from a child's hand
Inoculation from the hand of a caregiver during a nappy change
Vertical transmission from mother to baby during vaginal delivery.

Opentooffers · 29/01/2023 23:47

If you put the overtime work ( any evidence of more money coming in?), the gym and appearance obsession together with the hpv, I'd say on balance it doesn't look good.
If you can dig into his finances, get access to his phone or have a way of verifying if he's actually at work when alledegely working, that would be better proof.

SchoolTripDrama · 30/01/2023 00:07

qqq82 · 29/01/2023 12:32

You hear of people being single for years and suddenly have a flare up
There's no way you can ever know if it's a new infection or it's been dormant in this scenario

This is incorrect. I had a blood test done during a flare up and that test was specifically done to determine whether it was a new infection or not. It was. This was done by a Genito Urinary Consultant at hospital.

Notadramallama · 30/01/2023 15:34

this happened to me, and yes he had been cheating.

WeepyWillow · 30/01/2023 15:52

It can lie dormant for years and is pretty much endemic.

Teenagers now get vaccinated against hpv. I t will start to become rare.

I had the precancerous cells on my cervix after about 12 years with my husband. Either of us could have picked it up from a previous partner.

Original poster
naggy095 · 30/01/2023 15:57

Sorry to hear that, @Notadramallama

@WeepyWillow I had the HPV vaccine when I was around 13/14 so it wasn't effective for me. Unless I somehow caught the virus before the vaccine but I wasn't sexually active at that age.

OP posts:
Fuckthatguy · 30/01/2023 15:58

There is no blood test for HPV currently in the UK (or the US I believe) just detection from a smear.

Original poster
naggy095 · 30/01/2023 16:03

Having just searched online about the HPV vaccine it says it can provide protection for at least 10 years. So for me the effectiveness would have worn off a few years ago.

OP posts:
WetBandits · 30/01/2023 16:10

mindutopia · 29/01/2023 13:22

I work in sexual health and I’d say no it doesn’t mean at all that your partner has cheated. You have likely never been tested for HPV before (it hasn’t routinely been done until the past couple years in the UK) unless you went to a clinic and had obvious symptoms (warts) and even then, they may not have tested. If you had previous sexual partners, you could very likely have gotten it from them. It takes 10-15 years in many cases for cellular changes to occur. Most people have HPV so chances are high that even with 2 partners in the past, you could have been exposed. I really wouldn’t worry about cheating unless you have reason to believe there has been cheating for totally unrelated reasons.

Also in sexual health 🙋🏼‍♀️

You’re right about the HPV test being relatively new but just want to point out that wart HPV and cervical cancer-linked HPV are totally different so having warts would be irrelevant (and we wouldn’t test someone with warts for HPV either, we just visually diagnose and treat)

Ruffpuff · 30/01/2023 16:12

It can lie dormant for years. You probably caught it off someone else before him and it’s only now coming out. It’s affected by your immune system.

CrunchyCarrot · 30/01/2023 16:15

I feel it's most likely that you caught the virus during one of your previous sexual encounters. HPV can lie dormant for many years. Of course your partner might have cheated, but it's not the only explanation.

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