Is my partner gay?

[swishyswoo92]

This is going to be a tough one to explain but here goes;
I met my current partner whilst I was still married. We met through mutual friends and he was openly gay. We then kind of developed our friendship post my divorce & grew feelings for each other. I don't know if this was just emotions running high whilst my marriage crumbled but anyway, fast forward and we have been together 3 years and live together with my three sons.
Now, he is very outwardly camp and makes comments about men regularly. He has said since we got together that he thinks he is attracted to 'people' rather than genders. I am pretty liberal on this, and this hasn't been an issue to me. If you didn't know him, you would NEVER say he was with a female as he is so obviously gay in how he refers to other men etc. He spent his whole adult life with men, too, and has apparently only ever found one female attractive (me).
Now, over the last 6 months or so, its began to bother me just how much of a princess he is. He relies on me to organise every aspect of our lives together. He takes no initiative, and has no interest in forming relationships with my children. None. He will happily stay in bed on the weekends until 10/11am when me and the boys are up & wanting to do something fun. He expects to be looked after and never does anything nice for me. He is just 'there'.
The best way to describe our relationship is a friendship. I also genuinely believe that he panicked he didn't have his own family & wanted to create the illusion of having one - he is very materialistic in that sense and likes everyone to think his life is absolutely perfect.
Sexually he used to be very interested, last 6 months hardly ever, and its always me initiating. He doesn't fulfil me and never has. After a long period of abstinence recently, I caught him watching gay porn. Again - no issue on the porn front - but makes me feel that he is infact gay if he rejects me but watches gay porn. He leaves me thinking I'm being really unreasonable as I knew he 'found people attractive not genders' when we first got together. What can I say to that? Nothing.
My overall assessment - he is gay, he wanted some stability he couldn't find in a man, so opted to leech onto his female best friend instead and now we live seperate lives under the illusion of being a happy family.
My children aren't bothered by him, despite knowing him for years.
I am planning to ask him to leave our home - but I KNOW he will say that I knew about him before we got together- which I did - but things have changed. I can't explain it
Thank you for reading, I feel so silly every writing this.

Well, you could always tell him that you're ending it due to him being a lazy and entitled shite and it's nothing to do with his sexuality.

Crikey harsh 😂

It does seem odd he suddenly stopped being openly gay over night to become a happy hetro. He sounds like he's in denial. I don't buy the attracted to people bullshit. Surely he'd be openly bisexual if that were the case? Sorry but openly gay men don't suddenly stop being openly gay unless they have hangups about their own sexuality they are not comfortable with. Don't spend the rest of your life being a lifestyle experiment while he remains in blissful denial that he likes cock.

He's using you, and despite his words to the contrary, he doesn't give a fuck about you and your children. You are merely props in his life. He is going through a straight stage and wants to pretend to be a family man with a wife and kids. He'll get bored soon. Stop indulging him and kick him to the kerb.

Firstly, I’m not sure why you’re saying ‘gay’, as opposed to ‘bisexual’.

Secondly, the issue isn’t really his sexual orientation. The relationship isn’t making you happy, so end it.

Harsh but quite probably true.

He’s gay

So although there was sex in the beginning, you've also said he's never satisfied you in that department - so why on earth move him in?
I think you need to learn how to be on your own without being 'lonely'. You didn't get a chance to breath after your prior relationship ended. He was any por in a storm maybe?

I can’t believe this is real. You got with an openly gay man and moved him in. And, surprise, the sex was shit and is now non-existent.
He makes no effort with you or your DC.
Get rid OP.
You don’t have to give him reasons that he approves of! It’s not working for you. That’s enough.

I am planning to ask him to leave our home - but I KNOW he will say that I knew about him before we got together

Well yes, but at that time the relationship was making you happy. Now it is not, so it’s time to end it. As someone said upthread, you don’t need to get his agreement, you can just finish with him because you want to.

This is an old thread

💀

He's gay and perhaps being very generous he thought he had found an exception and the newness was exciting. But he's now realised he's totally gay. I came out much later in life and am happily in a same sex relationship but I know loads of other female friends who have had around a six month relationship with another woman then realised they are straight. Nothing to say it's not possible the other way around. Even if he's mainly gay with the occasional exception your relationship is crap and you're incompatible. You don't sound like you fancy him either so I'm wondering if this was a rebound for you. So you are both in it for the wrong reasons. Best to draw a line. In ten years time you'll probably be chuckling to a friend about your rebound fling with a gay man and thinking wtf was I thinking

I’ve just read this not realising it was an old thread until a pp mentioned it! Would love to know what happened here, hope op threw him out and is much happier as a result.