How do I deal with a man like this!!!!!

[TheOP2]

So we have been married for almost 5 years and I can't stand the way he speaks to me. Last night the dog came in with poo on her paw from the garden so I suggested he cleaned it up ... If I did!!! "You can do it too you know!!!!!!' to which I replied, we agreed as the cleaner is on mat eave that I will do the kitchen, mopping and hoovering and you will do the bathrooms and garden. He then shouted that he does way more than me!!!!! I do the laundry, look after the pets health, change the beds, cooking, food shop etc etc .... !! Ithe day before I asked him when he planned on cleaning the bathroom (his agreed job!) As it's filthy ... I injured my shoulder and had to have it injected .. I told him that cleaning the shower really hurts me ... His response ... Just suck it up!!! The other day he also said I only think of myself because I put the toilet roll on the holder the wrong way!!! I'm nearly at my wits end!!!

• we both work full time
• we have no bio kids, I have three step kids
• he moved into my house when we met
• we share pets only (1 dog and 2 cats)

We have 2 dogs and whichever one of us notices to poo in the garden goes and picks it up. Dogs usually avoid poo so I'm honestly wondering how much shit is lying around for your dog to have stepped in it.

Leave. He saw you coming, now let him see you leaving. It's far easier to find a decent partner than to settle for a shit one and try and fix them.

He knows you are in pain and told you to suck it up
I would have fecked him out there and then. Never mind the rest of his nasty behaviour.
I hope your home is protected financially.

I really hope you protected your home before you got married. Because this marriage will not last.

When I switched the mortgage as it came to the end of the term ... The bank made him sign a form basically saying that he lives here but doesn't own the property.... Or something like that (when I did this he wasn't being an arse so I didn't pay that much attention)

And that superceeds the laws around marriage and divorce?

You are married, so he may be entitled to something from the house equity. Not having shared children is a good thing.

Don't deal with him, tell him the marriage is over and he needs to move out.

Why would you choose to stay with a man like this? What's the point?

I wouldn’t stay with a man that spoke to me like that. Absolutely not.

You don't 'deal' with a person who treats you like shit, you LEAVE them.

Tell him it's simply not working for you anymore, and he needs to leave, today !

I think yours would count as a short marriage at this stage (although if you lived together before for any length of time, it may throw that out of the window).

I would check into what you actually signed and what your position would be if you did split, and do it sooner rather than later.

You don't sound like you like each other any more, so why stick it out?

Yuck! Your OP makes me feel the ick for you.
He sounds like everything I would never want in a man. I've been there and I still can't believe I was once in that situation with my supposed life partner (H) and father to my DC.

You don't 'deal' with him at all. You quietly make sure your financial and practical ducks are in a row, then you leave and never look back.

Good luck

How long were you together when he moved in? Massive red flag if he moved himself in by pressuring you into it. Do you help look after his DC.

How do I deal with a man like this!!!!!

Answer: you don't.

You don't need to. It is essentially a lost cause expecting anything better.

See a solicitor on the quiet, get your papers in order and back covered. From that get an exit strategy in place and don't look back.

It moved quick and I missed the red flags big time. This morning he called me a horrible horrible person (I don't believe I am) he does nothing with the kids they just watch tv all day and night!!! This morning I realised his girl slept in her football kit (I had no idea!!) So I said make sure she has a shower to which I got told to butt out essentially

Leave him. You'll reduce your need for dramatic exclamation marks considerably.

What, within weeks? Looks like he wanted a housemaid and nanny. I say to all bfs no moving in for at least 5 years, I need my space. Never had a man treat me badly.

Absolutely you leave, or kick him out seeing as it's your house! You have no ties, I left my xh who treated me badly with 2 young dc. Life is way too short to try to deal with this, and you'll find you're much happier without

The real question is WHY do you deal with a man like this not HOW?

There's no way on earth that I would allow a man who abused me like that live in my house.