Friendship run its course?

[juneonthemoon]

I have a longstanding friend who I've known for 25 years and see maybe 4 times a year. Since I've known her my life has had all sorts of changes, death of parents, divorce and so on. Friend has been married throughout, parents still alive. I think we've grown apart really, she's semi retired, very wealthy, and goes on multiple holidays a year. We seem to have got into a thing where I feel like she enjoys the 'gossip' of my life (eg work and money struggles) but hers is always perfect- perfect marriage, kids etc and she never discloses anything about her life other than all the holidays she's going on. Often she'll slightly slag off one of her friends (not people I know.)

I have a couple of other wealthy and married friends who I get on with great, but with this one it feels like maybe I'm just someone for her to gossip about. I think it's because she always portrays her own life as perfect in every way.

Do I let the friendship go or just take some distance from it for now? I feel guilty and that I've outgrown the friendship really but because it's so longstanding it feels like I can't end it. But we're not really good friends are we? WWYD?

If someone is happy to talk/slag their friends off to you, then 100 percent they'll be doing the same about you behind your back.

Best way is not to disclose any personal information you don't want anyone else knowing, and shut down the friendship if your not happy.
They probably do have issues themselves but won't disclose as they feed off everyone else's gossip & drama.

You probably already realise her life won't be as perfect as the one she likes to portray. Sounds like you need to demote her from friendship to casual acquaintance status.
She's disclosing nothing about her own ups and downs and isn't ' letting you in ' on her life so stop doing the same with yours ie spilling about money trouble etc. It sounds like she's using you to feel superior about herself.

Thanks MeMyCatsAndMyBooks I think you've put your finger on what is troubling me about when I last saw her. She's somehow very good at getting me to open up and disclose things and then I come away feeling a bit crap. I may take a bit of a break and then next time try hard not to really say anything much about my life. I think I'm just in the 'friendship' because it's been so long as much as anything.

Yes you're right DosCervezas I definitely need to stop being open with her, I do feel she likes being superior to me. Thinking of her as more of a casual acquaintance than friend might be a good way forwards.

Or you could shut her down if she mentions someone "that's such a shame for them, however I don't think it's very kind for you to be telling me their business, I wouldn't like it if someone did it to me." And instantly change the subject.

That way you've put in a very firm boundary to her.

Just stop telling her anything personal and keep meet ups short and simple. You might find something else to occupy the conversation or you might just reduce meet ups and let it fade

Thanks for these ideas, it's helped to talk it over on here. I will try what you've suggested MeMyCatsAndMyBooks - although not planning on seeing her for a while, and then also make an effort to not disclose things, and then just see if it still feels worth it just to have a very casual acquaintance type friendship.

Yes dont tell her as much. I found that with a cousin all about mine no info on her kids!! Now I say any news with you. Yes some friendships do grow apart.