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Original poster

Should I ask her out or am I delusional?

30 replies

Db1984 · 29/01/2023 04:06

Hi so I guess I’ll just tel the story and see what y’all think. I’m in my mid thirties, well off, self employed writer/creator, and very fit. Not really looking for anything, haven’t been actively dating, or with any age preference(suppose it was like 28-my age)

So I’ve been going to this awesome gym for about five months now. I go each morning to walk for like an hour and each afternoon to look for like an hour and a half. I talk with all the employees are there on a pretty good friendly basis with all of them.

About a month ago one young lady(23 and in the masters degree program) started asking me about when I work out and if I work out at the same time every day. About a week later, she started working out at the same time as I do every day.. but it’s also right after her shift ends.

For the last couple weeks we’ve been talking every morning for like 5 or 6 minutes just making small chat. She smiles every time she sees me and waves to me especially when we’re working out we could chat a little bit during our workout sessions. As I’ve gotten to her know her, she seems like a genuinely smart, disciplined and mature person.

Last week while I was talking to her at the front desk, another female friend of mine, who looks similar to her with the same kind of hair, except straight instead of curly, came up behind me, slap me on the butt give me a hug and left. The next time I saw her this girl has straighten her hair and style that just like the one who is my friend.

I told her I noticed it and it looks nice, but I gotta be honest I personally have a thing for curls. Her mouth dropped, and she covered her face as I left.

Since then, she’s looked me up and friend requested me on Facebook.

So I don’t know I got a shot. Do I ask her out or am I delusional and she’s just a friendly employee…??? I really like the gym here I really like the people here I’ve gotten to know her a little bit and I really like her but I don’t want to risk coming across this some kind of old creep.

OP posts:
HappiestSleeping · 29/01/2023 04:42

Nothing ventured nothing gained. It could go either way so as long as you ask in a way that gives her an easy way to decline without feeling awkward.

That said, I am a man so wouldn't have a clue how to do that.

ZekeZeke · 29/01/2023 04:59

She is an employee, 15+ years your junior.
No, just no.
She is employed to be friendly to the clients, it's part of her job.
You love the gym, if things went arse ways it could be very very awkward for you

Dad762 · 29/01/2023 05:22

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Mybumlooksbig · 29/01/2023 05:28

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Wtf

ZekeZeke · 29/01/2023 05:29

Mybumlooksbig · 29/01/2023 05:28

Wtf

Show quote history

I've reported that post

cloudrunner · 29/01/2023 05:30

Dear God. You had the almighty arrogance to tell a woman you don't know, an employee, that you personally preferred her hair another way? As if her purpose in life was to suit your tastes? As if the opinion of a random passing man was of more importance than what she liked? Do you realise how outrageously sexist and controlling your behaviour is, OP? Don't ask anybody out until you've realised that the purpose of women's lives is not to please men, but to lead fulfilling lives in their own terms - and be respected for it. Stand back. Grow up.

Mybumlooksbig · 29/01/2023 05:31

I'm actually stunned. I hope it's some one having a sick joke and it's not serious

Bellalalala · 29/01/2023 05:34

Wtf? Is this a thread created for men to come share their stories about how they creep on much younger women?

Bigminnie1 · 29/01/2023 05:45

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

What the actual fuck?

Clusterfunk · 29/01/2023 06:01

You will 100% come across as an old creep. Don’t hit on employees of the gym you go to. It’ll make them feel like they are in an awful position as they can’t avoid you without losing their jobs.

tuvamoodyson · 29/01/2023 06:05

Yes…you’re delusional. Bet they’re laughing about you in the staff room.

chococherrychoochoo · 29/01/2023 06:20

Straightening her hair could be a coincidence. I straighten my hair every now and then, sometimes it's because I liked that change on another colleague or friend and I'm like oh yeah that looks nice I must dig my straighteners out or sometimes it's a pure coincidence or it's straightened at work for an event the night before or I'm going to later and straight her suits my outfit better.

As her reaction wasn't positive when you said you have a thing for curly hair. which is quite forward, as you basically have told her you fancy something that is natural to her. If she were interested, she would have reacted differently, like blush and smile or maybe ask you more about it. Are you already friends with other gym employees on Facebook? If so it could be she didn't want to be left out from all the memes and gossip.

You said you walk for an hour and then look for an hour and a half? and you're very fit??
I honestly think she is just being friendly. You're that guy that marinates in the gym, hangs around staff and looks around. You're like the gym furniture. Employees are in an awkward spot, they are there to be friendly and professional, so they have to talk to you and smile at you to foster a friendly environment as you can complain about them. It's not an equal friendship without motives or agendas.

Realistically, the gym is full of fit guys closer to her own age why would she be interested in a man your age? She sounds a go getter masters and working, you're a person with so much free time that you spend an hour and a half lingering in the gym. Well off self employed people are very busy. Content writing if successful takes hours of your day. Your friends are the gym staff. It's not looking good, she's just friendly, mate.

nurseynursery · 29/01/2023 06:26

ZekeZeke · 29/01/2023 04:59

She is an employee, 15+ years your junior.
No, just no.
She is employed to be friendly to the clients, it's part of her job.
You love the gym, if things went arse ways it could be very very awkward for you

He's mid 30s

SpaceMonitor · 29/01/2023 06:30

Are you sure you write for a living? Your post reads like a WhatsApp message from a 13 year old.

Leave her alone. She’s paid to be friendly.

BlueBooh · 29/01/2023 06:38

You told a member of staff your preferred her hair curly?? Wtf

Would you say the same thing to a male member of staff?

I bet you're the type who says "Smile love it may never happen".

RecordsTurning · 29/01/2023 06:47

Creep vibes.

HoodieBell · 29/01/2023 06:55

You are coming across quite creepy I'm afraid, you could make her feel very uncomfortable. Not only are you much older but you are also a customer so there is a massive imbalance of power. If she is interested and as mature as you say, she'll ask you out.

SoosanCarter · 29/01/2023 06:55

If you’re a writer, why is your post littered with “like” so much?

Offdutypead · 29/01/2023 06:55

HappiestSleeping · 29/01/2023 04:42

Nothing ventured nothing gained. It could go either way so as long as you ask in a way that gives her an easy way to decline without feeling awkward.

That said, I am a man so wouldn't have a clue how to do that.

I am a (admittedly much older and married) woman and I agree with this.

Just ask her what time she gets off work and does she fancy a drink/coffee/ smoothie then. Easy no agro, if she is mature as she sounds she will be able to say no without it being a problem.

You are allowed to ask, she is allowed to say no.

liveforsummer · 29/01/2023 06:55

You go to the gym twice a day and the second time just to look? I imagine she's just being kind/professional but feeling a bit awkward

Fancylike · 29/01/2023 06:56

No, please don’t ask her out. She seems like a chatty sort who likes to fill the empty time at the front desk making light chitchat with customers, which is a standard part of any service role. She would be having the same convo with 20+ regulars daily.
It’s fine to carry on having polite greetings but please please stop commenting on her appearance, and stop assuming because a (much younger!) woman is nice to you that she at all attracted to you.

Zanatdy · 29/01/2023 07:23

I’d just say if you ever fancy grabbing a coffee after the gym let me know. Keep it general so you’re not too embarrassed if she says no. But she sounds keen I’d say.

Zanatdy · 29/01/2023 07:24

Fancylike · 29/01/2023 06:56

No, please don’t ask her out. She seems like a chatty sort who likes to fill the empty time at the front desk making light chitchat with customers, which is a standard part of any service role. She would be having the same convo with 20+ regulars daily.
It’s fine to carry on having polite greetings but please please stop commenting on her appearance, and stop assuming because a (much younger!) woman is nice to you that she at all attracted to you.

Even sending Facebook friend requests? The chat only I’d think maybe that’s just chit chat, but to send a friend request - doubt she does that with every customer that she gets friendly with

MWNA · 29/01/2023 07:35

SoosanCarter · 29/01/2023 06:55

If you’re a writer, why is your post littered with “like” so much?

I thought this too.

knittingaddict · 29/01/2023 07:40

"young lady"? Are you sure you aren't older than mid 30s?