I'm not sure if I've made a terrible mistake....

[mumyes]

I've just split up from someone (my decision) that I've been seeing for 18 months...and am worried I may regret it....

He's lovely, kind, honest, trustworthy. Things were v physical initially but I totally went off him...I don't think I fancy him anymore...

We both have children from previous marriages, they all liked each other.

But I feel like we come from different backgrounds...have different values...and I'm very scared of having a new serious relationship. I was very very hurt from my divorce. Don't want to ever depend on a man again....although I don't want to be alone for the next 40 years either...

Help...

It sounds like you broke up with him for good reasons - you don't fancy him any more, different values etc. That stuff is important and worth splitting over.

It was your first(?) relationship after your divorce, so it may have been a bit of rebound going on at the start.

Just because he's a nice guy doesn't mean he was right for you. Have a bit of time to feel sad about it and then pick yourself up. It's got to be right in those important ways, and when you're ready for it.

You've made the right decision, don't be in a relationship just because you want one, be in a relationship with the right man and he isn't it.

There cant be a proper relationship if you don't even fancy him anymore.
You've done the right thing and listened to yourself.

You'll be fine.

If you don’t fancy someone anymore it’s rare to ever get that back. A good relationship needs both partners to find each other physically attractive. I never fancied my ex and I know that sounds terrible. We were good friends and when he first asked me out I made it clear I just wanted to be friends. He lost a lot of weight, and didn’t give up. I did become to see him differently but he never made me go weak at the knee’s.

I spent over 10yrs single after we split, as I never want to get into that kind of situation again. I’ve recently started dating an ex colleague and I’ve always fancied him. I used to try and engineer it so I’d sit next to him at work events and he always came and chatted to me. I fancy him so much, as it’s meant to be. I guess you can go off people though, sometimes stuff they do in life puts you off them. I hope that doesn’t happen, but if it did, I’d know it’s time to split.

You don’t want to be alone for the next 40 years.

But do you want to be with someone you don’t fancy? Someone who you stopped being attracted to, very soon after meeting them? Someone you don’t have the same values as?

You say you are afraid of being hurt again and think that’s why you ended it. I think you are afraid of being alone so now thinking you should have just settled for a relationship that wasn’t right.

That’s quite a good reason to finish a relationship tbh. He wasn’t the right one move on and stop dwelling. Just make sure you are happy in yourself before starting a new relationship.