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Original poster

If he said he didn't love you at the end...

27 replies

ConfusedHur · 28/01/2023 21:16

... and left you after 4 years together, no contact for 1.5 years, and then you heard he regretted it from someone else, what would you think? I've no intention of ever going back there, as I feel there's no coming back from what he said, but from what I've heard he may contact me.

OP posts:
Firsttimemum120 · 28/01/2023 21:18

He realised the grass isn’t greener on the other side and he now will be unfortunate that you have moved on with your life and are happy so you won’t be welcoming him back with open arms. Just stay strong be straight and blunt when or if he does contact you and move on don’t even give him a second thought. He didn’t and doesn’t deserve it xdd

Viviennemary · 28/01/2023 21:21

I would think he was telling the truth. If you are happy now thats good.

xJoyPeaceHealthx · 28/01/2023 21:21

He coukd have said it to appear insightful, to appear to be less of a player, to appear to have matured

Opentooffers · 28/01/2023 21:43

I think I'd take comfort in that to a degree. It's good he's suffering a part of the angst that he gave you. But it was all of his own making and at the time you couldn't argue with stupid, now he knows how dumb he has been. However, the damage is done, the relationship you had cannot be recreated, you will always know what he is capable of and that he has no loyalty. Thanks, but no thanks, is the best response.

Maze76 · 28/01/2023 22:16

Nope- he doesn’t deserve you!

firstmummy2019 · 28/01/2023 23:05

It didn't work out with the other woman and he is now regretting splitting up with you. He made this comment so it would get back to you and play with your head as he knows you have moved on. Please don't give him any more head space.

Original poster
ConfusedHur · 29/01/2023 09:32

There hasn't been another woman. I don't think he is capable of loving anyone, from what he's told me himself. He couldn't talk to me about anything deep and can't express emotions.

OP posts:
Lamentations · 29/01/2023 09:48

You will never know the answer to this. Don't waste your energy.

YoBeaches · 29/01/2023 10:30

If he genuinely hasn't met any other woman then there exactly is his problem.

You're a last resort to being on his own.

I'd think, you're more of a prick now then you were the day you left. Don't engage.

ExtraOnions · 29/01/2023 10:38

I would think “what a bellend” and never give it another moments headspace

CJsGoldfish · 29/01/2023 10:38

Honestly, it's probably less about YOU and how he feels about you than it is the life he had before he left. Better the devil you know and all that 🤷‍♀️

That's why a lot of men return after swearing there is no one else. Doesn't work out or ends up more stressful so back to the comfort of the one they left behind. After convincing her he's come to his senses. lol

isthistheendtakeabreath · 29/01/2023 10:47

ConfusedHur · 29/01/2023 09:32

There hasn't been another woman. I don't think he is capable of loving anyone, from what he's told me himself. He couldn't talk to me about anything deep and can't express emotions.

Yes my ex husband is like this. I'd love to hear he regretted leaving even if it was just from someone else. (He'd never admit it directly to me) - I think it would be nice to feel smug rather than just anger and sadness

Mari9999 · 29/01/2023 16:08

Does he regret not loving you or does he just regret leaving you? Those are 2 different emotions and they are not the same.

If his life has since been inconvenient, he may very well regret leaving you and on occasion might even think about coming back. That would be for convenience and not for love.

Some doors once closed are better left closed. Whatever the reason, your relationship ended and you did not remain as friends. Stop looking back you may be missing positive things that are in front of you.

Original poster
ConfusedHur · 29/01/2023 17:41

Mari9999 · 29/01/2023 16:08

Does he regret not loving you or does he just regret leaving you? Those are 2 different emotions and they are not the same.

If his life has since been inconvenient, he may very well regret leaving you and on occasion might even think about coming back. That would be for convenience and not for love.

Some doors once closed are better left closed. Whatever the reason, your relationship ended and you did not remain as friends. Stop looking back you may be missing positive things that are in front of you.

That's what I don't know. He hurt me a lot when he said this so I intend to keep the door shut now.

OP posts:
Eleganz · 29/01/2023 19:43

I would think, meh, who cares?

I suggest you try and think that too.

Original poster
ConfusedHur · 30/01/2023 04:19

Eleganz · 29/01/2023 19:43

I would think, meh, who cares?

I suggest you try and think that too.

Yes, I've been much stronger lately. Hearing this has just set me back a bit. He basically discarded me in such a cold way in the end that I just can't believe he's regretting it now- whatever "it" is.

OP posts:
OrderOfTheKookaburra · 30/01/2023 05:32

Sounds to me like it's a convenience thing. You made his life both easier and happier. A loving partner who does thoughtful things for you brings positivity to your life. If he was so cold and negative did he actually bring positivity to your life or was it history and longevity that kept you there?

Guavafish1 · 30/01/2023 05:39

I would take some comfort in that he regrets the break up.

But ultimately, I would never have this person back in my life... especially if the break up was so cold... he would likely do it again.

Becareful of the narcissists

Original poster
ConfusedHur · 30/01/2023 06:34

You are both spot on in what you say. I spoke to a counsellor a few times and she asked me what did I love about him/ what did he bring to my life and I couldn't really come up with anything, to my surprise.

@Guavafish1 She also suggested narcissism, based on how I described how he treated me over the years - belittling and critical of me at times, superior attitude. He'd many good points but I've only seen the red flags afterwards.

OP posts:
snowlolo · 30/01/2023 06:37

When someone tells you how they feel, believe them.

If he was cold and said he didn't love you, it's true.

He's only regretting it now because he's missing whatever benefits you brought to his life.

Steer clear.

MushMonster · 30/01/2023 06:41

He is not worthy a minute in your thoughts. I would not reply if he contacts.

Michellebops · 30/01/2023 06:44

Save yourself more heartache and don't think about him or what ifs etc!

He won't have changed and will be just trying to make sure you don't move on too.

You are worth so much more

Pyewhacket · 30/01/2023 06:52

That’s just hear-say and you don’t really know the context of his comments. But it shouldn’t matter to you either way. Focus on something more positive.

Original poster
ConfusedHur · 30/01/2023 07:38

Yes, I've more respect for myself than to ever go back there- I'm just a bit surprised to hear this. He has high standards and no one, including me, has ever been good enough for him. He even admitted an aunt of his once described him as arrogant.

OP posts:
Scotcousin · 30/01/2023 15:27

I'd advise stay well clear and have nothing more to do with him ever again. There's no coming back from those harsh and unnecessary words. How hurtful. Let him live with his decision.