Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So insecure.

16 replies

Nohopeforme91 · 28/01/2023 20:44

Hoping someone had advice for me. I know I'm being silly but I can't stop thinking about it. I've got a 5 month old and myself and my partner have started making more of an effort to spend quality time with each other because obviously with a young baby it's difficult. We have arranged to go for dinner and drinks with a few people we know well this Friday. One of our mutual friends is bringing one of her friends. This isn't a problem itself. The more people the merrier. But, this woman is stunning. She's late twenties, amazing figure and long blonde hair. I know I can scrub up ok when I make the effort. But she is so pretty. And I know my partner is going to see her and think wow. I can't stop thinking that he is going to fancy her. He's never given me a reason to be insecure at all but I can't get this out of my head. I keep on comparing myself to her. It's making me not want to go out and I know that's not normal.

OP posts:
LaLuz7 · 28/01/2023 20:49

You can't keep your partner in a bubble. There's always going to be occasions where he is the company of objectively attractive women. You need to trust that you have a strong connection that will not crumble at the sight of a nice pair of tits. He's chosen you to build a life with and you are the mother of his kid. He is committed to you and hasn't given you reason to doubt him. Why torment yourself with what-if catastrophic scenarios?

PousseyNotMoira · 28/01/2023 20:51

There are millions of women in this country. Some of them are stunning. Your partner has eyes, goes out into the world and sees stunning women on a regular basis. So what?

Original poster
Nohopeforme91 · 28/01/2023 20:52

Thank yoh both. I know your right. I Just can't seem to get out of this spiralling mentality.

OP posts:
Floraanddougal · 28/01/2023 20:52

You can’t blindfold him into not seeing attractive women . I suggest you seek counselling for your issues.

LaLuz7 · 28/01/2023 20:53

Do you notice gorgeous men on your day to day life? Do you compare them to your partner? Do you give them much headspace at all, @Nohopeforme91?

HappyHolidays22 · 28/01/2023 20:54

Ah OP it’s so hard after you’ve had a baby anyway because you’re tired, not always feeling like yourself … so I can totally get where your anxiety comes from.

All I can say is please don’t let it ruin your enjoyment of an evening out. Your partner is with you because you are you! she won’t be the first or the last pretty girl your partner sets eyes on so please don’t fixate on this.

My advice would be to give some thought to making yourself feel good! What are you going to wear? Have you got time to put a facemask on to relax? Can you do your nails? Etc etc. relax, be yourself and focus on feeling good about yourself. You never know- she may be totally jealous of you both with your lovely baby :) xxx

Original poster
Nohopeforme91 · 28/01/2023 20:55

Floraanddougal · 28/01/2023 20:52

You can’t blindfold him into not seeing attractive women . I suggest you seek counselling for your issues.

I think this as well but I'm worried that it seems so silly an issue for counselling. It literally takes over my thoughts. I'm suffering from post partum depression at the moment and I'm not sure if this is tied in with that. I can't figure it out as it wasn't something I would worry about previously.

OP posts:
PousseyNotMoira · 28/01/2023 20:55

Nohopeforme91 · 28/01/2023 20:52

Thank yoh both. I know your right. I Just can't seem to get out of this spiralling mentality.

Yes, but drill down and really examine it. Why? What is the issue? What is it you’re afraid of?

HappyHolidays22 · 28/01/2023 20:56

Don’t be too hard on yourself OP! You’ve just had a baby and if you have PND of course this won’t be helping xxx

Original poster
Nohopeforme91 · 28/01/2023 20:57

HappyHolidays22 · 28/01/2023 20:54

Ah OP it’s so hard after you’ve had a baby anyway because you’re tired, not always feeling like yourself … so I can totally get where your anxiety comes from.

All I can say is please don’t let it ruin your enjoyment of an evening out. Your partner is with you because you are you! she won’t be the first or the last pretty girl your partner sets eyes on so please don’t fixate on this.

My advice would be to give some thought to making yourself feel good! What are you going to wear? Have you got time to put a facemask on to relax? Can you do your nails? Etc etc. relax, be yourself and focus on feeling good about yourself. You never know- she may be totally jealous of you both with your lovely baby :) xxx

Thank you so much. I do feel rubbish as my body shape has completely changed. But I've picked an outfit I feel good in and I know when my hair and make up is done that I'll feel a lot better in myself. Its so hard to just not compare myself to all these stunning women

OP posts:
LaLuz7 · 28/01/2023 20:58

Nohopeforme91 · 28/01/2023 20:55

I think this as well but I'm worried that it seems so silly an issue for counselling. It literally takes over my thoughts. I'm suffering from post partum depression at the moment and I'm not sure if this is tied in with that. I can't figure it out as it wasn't something I would worry about previously.

Show quote history

Nothing that bothers you and destroys your peace is silly to get mental help for. No therapist would ever judge you

Original poster
Nohopeforme91 · 28/01/2023 20:59

PousseyNotMoira · 28/01/2023 20:55

Yes, but drill down and really examine it. Why? What is the issue? What is it you’re afraid of?

Show quote history

I've tried this and I really think it's down to having really low self esteem. I thought what's the worst thing that happens? If he thinks she's attractive then there's nothing I can do. He won't act on it because he loves me. And if he did act on it the obviously he's not the one for me..I have this fear that he will be comparing us both and whilst I'm not bad looking..she is something else!

OP posts:
Floraanddougal · 28/01/2023 21:00

Nohopeforme91 · 28/01/2023 20:55

I think this as well but I'm worried that it seems so silly an issue for counselling. It literally takes over my thoughts. I'm suffering from post partum depression at the moment and I'm not sure if this is tied in with that. I can't figure it out as it wasn't something I would worry about previously.

Show quote history

It’s not silly, if you’re Ill you are Ill. It doesn’t matter if it’s you’re leg that’s broken or your mind, mental and physical illness should be treated the same and there is no shame in admitting like you have here you’re mentally Ill.

Spellcheck · 28/01/2023 21:04

I get it, I’ve been you in that situation and I ruined a perfectly good night out with my lovely husband because of it. He was bemused and upset and I made a twat of myself. Not her fault at all, nor his. The ramifications from that night lasted a long time, and caused a lot of damage.
Please don’t say anything to him, enjoy spending time with him and your friends, try and remember why you’re together, and the beautiful child you share!

babeB · 28/01/2023 21:09

Definitely don't think you're ill for having a moment of insecurity op, we all do. If the issue bothers you often, then do get counselling though.

littlelilypad · 28/01/2023 21:13

Sorry you're feeling like this, OP, I've been there and it's horrible when it's all-consuming. I think one of the most important things to remember is that she's "something else" to you. You're the one doing the comparing at the moment.

Yes your partner might think she's attractive, but she's definitely not you, and he loves you Flowers

New posts on this thread. Refresh page