CBA with dating anymore

[Fionafiesta]

Does anyone else feel they can't be bothered with dating anymore and just said fuck it I'll be single?

I'd love nothing more than a monogamous relationship however I'm not interested in casual dating.

I feel I am happier when I don't date. I find dating an emotional roller coaster and just think I'm one of these people who aren't cut out for it.

Please tell me there are others who feel the same 🙏

I was single for over a decade as I couldn’t be bothered with it all. Recently started dating an ex colleague and it’s going great. But yeah I was perfectly happy single, but I always said I wasn’t adverse to meeting someone if it happened. But I didn’t go looking.

Zanatdy I think that's key, being open to meeting someone which I am but the effort involved in the current so called dating culture is better spent on improving one's self.

I hear you. Its been so horribly dispiriting, I've recently decided to stop bothering myself. I'd like a relationship but quite content on my own too. And too tired to put the hours in trying to talk to men who seem to have no actual interest in conversation but prefer to monologue at me.

I haven’t dated at all in 6 years

I've been joyfully single for over a decade, since I divorced mid 30s. I do not miss being in a relationship at all and I have absolutely no interest in accommodating someone else or compromising on any aspect of my life.

Resisterance It is dispiriting for sure.

Yep.

Same as MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco

I've never married so sometimes get the FOMO but hope that's all it is. I don't know many happy couples and sometimes wonder if they settled so they weren't alone. I myself have had mainly shit relationships and now I feel it's not worth the effort. Luckily i don't want children so a man is not much use other than sex 🤣

Spinningfloppa Me about the same time
too

I split up with children's father 4 years ago, had been together 18 years. Been single since. I've dipped in and out of online dating, but I honestly hate it. I work in a mainly female work environment, and have a limited social circle so the chances of meeting someone are slim. I'm 42.

I agree with you. I took 6 years off dating and really did achieve some things I’ll be forever proud of. Over that time I was open to meeting men by a chance encounter or in work etc but tbh I work from home and don’t really leave the house that often.

I have friends who have been on all the apps and dated tens or maybe even hundreds of men in that time and have said it’s been a waste of time.

I am dating again now but I’m being very intentional about it and binning of the potential time wasters super quick.

Reclaimtheoutdoors How do you intend to go about intentional? Use a paid dating app for example? I don't know how some people keep at it tbh.

I've recently decided I can't be bothered. Dating apps just seem full of boring or irritating men that feel the need to patronize. I didn't really get anthing good out of my last 2 relationships so now i just don't see the point.

also curious about what 'intentional' implies

@Fionafiesta @StrongerThanYouTh1nk

By intentional I guess I just mean being focused on what I want out of dating ( a healthy relationship) and not entertaining conversations or going on dates out of boredom or to boost my ego - which is what I suspect many people are doing with dating nowadays. I know people say it’s a numbers game but the way my personality is, it’s better for me to value quality over quantity so I’m super selective.

I have a clear idea of what I want and online I’m reluctant to returns likes on profiles unless I genuinely think there is real potential. Plus when we do connect , I ask the questions I need answers to early on.

If I see issues or red flags I’m committed to moving on and not just “going with the flow” and ignoring it like I did in my 20s!

Recently I’ve met men through travel (IRL) I tend to get approached more abroad! And yes - using paid OLD apps.

I found this article showing someone’s take on intentional dating betterhumans.pub/yes-intentional-dating-is-a-thing-heres-how-to-do-it-successfully-13d293464607

After a long marriage have been single for 4 years and not really thought about dating.

TBH I'd love to meet someone on my wavelength but cant be arsed to wade through needy. self-obsessed, neurotic women - ladies feel free to substitute your own adjectives about men here.

It will happen one day and I will be delighted when it does

Me! Family says I shouldn't give up but it's soul destroying to keep on the apps. So many broken people or those who don't seem to want anything substantial.

👏👏👏👏

I found online dating absolutely awful.

At best the men are boring and self-centered.

And then there is the worrying number of narcissists, misogynist, drug addicts and alcoholics...

I am much happier now that I only focus on friends, hobbies, exercise, work and travelling.

I have no intention to ever actively look for someone ever again.

I'd love to meet someone to have something meaningful with.
Based on my limited experience on the apps I'm not likely to find what I'm looking for on there.

Which is really annoying because in theory apps are the easiest way to meet someone. Until you realise there's no decent men on them.

CBA with dating? Sort of, yes. But it’s not coming from a resentful or bitter place.
I’m content with my life right now but if someone came into my life that I clicked with then I’d be open to seeing where that went.

I joke with my friends (who keep saying to get on the dating apps) that I’m not desperate for a man but what I really mean is I don’t need a man to fill some void in my life so I’m not actively looking.

Definitely CBA with the angst of OLD. It’s too easy for people to lie about themselves and what they’re looking for when it’s just words on a screen and just because someone might tick all the right boxes doesn’t guarantee attraction in real life.

Musing now – I meet plenty of men in real life just going about my day to day life. Some married/with SO’s, some single, some attractive looks-wise, some attractive personality-wise, some going through hard times, some with issues, some with hidden agendas, players and PUA’s, some just plain oddballs. Just like OLD really. The difference is the moral accountability – it’s harder to hide “who you are” when you’re face to face and you're not invested before you've even met. You just “know” almost instantly if something seems “off” about someone, or if you don’t dislike them as a person but don’t fancy them either, which removes 90% of that “on paper/screen” haven’t-met-yet box-ticking build-up and angst. Plus, you don’t feel like you’re interviewing or being interviewed for a job!

I'm a solo parent by choice (had my son using a sperm donor) and left the "dating scene" so to speak about 4 years ago. I've dipped my toes in again on OLD and it is the same old misery as it was back then! I'm now not even looking for a "partner to settle down with" , I thought it'd be easier to meet someone just for "me" a relationship 'lite'. I'm thankful every day I took the agency to have a child on my own when I did (late 30s) as I most certainly would have ended up childless (which is not what I would have wanted). The only thing I occasionally miss having a partnership is the about the dual income and more disposable cash! That's about it! Fully agree with @MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco I do not want to accommodate or compromise for anyone long term (apart from my child).