I'm jealous of ex's girlfriend

[nares]

Pretty much that really
We split 3 years now but I'm still really broken
He treated me awful ,I was humiliated,mental abuse,things he did ,texting other women -constant need for attention
Making me jealous /pushing me to being crazy /hurt /upset

Now he has a gf of 2 years -they have plenty of money now (he had none with me)
Holidays ,always out and about
Live together etc etc
The nasty msn seems to have disappeared
I have mutual social media friends and all the posts of them I see
I'm so sad tonight
I've just seen they all out in a group tonight
I'm just not worth loving by him I guess
That's how I feel anyway

Recovery is neither linear nor time-bound. You have to go at your own pace but once thing is for sure you won't get the closure you need obsessively looking at photos of him.

Brain chemistry after an abusive relationship is in a dysregulated state and it sounds as though you have a Trauma-Bond which is an emotional attachment formed out of a repeated cycle of abuse mixed with positive reinforcement. It makes you feel as though you need your abuser in order to have value.

You may have been conditioned to rely upon your abuser’s approval and validation that's why its so hard to stop seeking him out but you have to stop seeking him out in order to get your self-confidence back and move on.

Delete social media. Screenshot/screen record whatever photos and videos you want to save from your accounts to your phone then delete Facebook and Instagram. It will be much easier to heal if you're not constantly seeing images of him. I suggest a no contact policy.

See a therapist if you can.

As per the online presentation of his relationship: No one shows the crap side of their life online, do they. Everyone carefully selects a highlight reel of the best things so all you're doing is torturing yourself by staring at his highlight reel. Stop torturing yourself,
start to be a friend to yourself.

You need to find something else to fixate on. I recommend exercise. It teaches you grit and resilience and keeps you fit in the process. An at home exercise dvd like Jillian Michael's 30 day shred is really cheap at about £5 so you don't even have to spend hundreds at the gym.

If you carry on this way you'll be rehashing the same old awful feelings over and over and over and before you know it it'll be 2025 and you'll be stuck in the past!

"I am worthy of respect and dignity."

@frozendaisy it's because all I ever wanted was for him to treat me the way he treats her
Respect etc
He made me feel so worthless by constantly talking /comparing me to other women etc
He doesn't do this with her clearly

He won't have changed. Real change would include he has acknowledged and taken full ownership for how he treated you. But he is likely to play out the same or similar patterns over again if he hasn't take made any efforts to improve his relationship skills.

Your reaction suggests you blame yourself and think he will somehow magically transform and treat another woman with the respect he didn't show you but quite likely he has certain ways of acting in relationships that you or any woman would be unlikely to influence.

Op, his behaviour now has nothing to do with you.

If he has indeed matured and become a better bf, it's the cycle of life. How our outlook in life changes from teenagers to adults to middle age etc. And while it sucks you got the crap version of him, you will get a great guy who may have been a crap version of his ex. How we treat people has nothing to do with them, everything to do with us.

It might also be that his new gf has much stronger boundaries than you do, and doesn't tolerate his shit. So he knows he needs to be on his best behaviour or she'll dump him.

However, again, nothing to do with you. You need to focus on making a life of your own that isn't dependent on his thoughts, feelings, and what he's doing. You shouldn't have been talking to him till recently and you should not want anything to do with him. That's self respect - the minute someone treats you badly, you cut them out of your life, and stop craving their love.

Can you talk to someone about your self esteem and findings ways to stop obsessing over the past? Do you have hobbies or interests to spend your time doing? It does seem that he's the sole focus of your life atm, or 3 years on, you wouldn't still be so upset by him.

He is just not the right man for you - but you'll miss out on finding that right man - if you remain fixated on your ex.

I think a lot of posters on this thread don't get the lasting damage that having been in an abusive relationship can cause. The constant questioning over "Why is he like this? Is it somehow my fault?" (as he is usually suggesting). These self doubts can be incredibly strong, and can last for years. Seeing him seemingly happy with a new GF can trigger and reinforce the trauma- "Oh no, perhaps it was me after all". It's tough.

For you to be able to move on you need to stop seeing your ex and his gf popping up on sm

I would suggest blocking their profiles