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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Were they expecting too much from us?

20 replies

Blue789 · 28/01/2023 16:11

When my partner and I were looking for a new home to rent, my parents said one of their spare houses was empty and for us to move in there. We said no at first and they brought it up again, so we said only if we pay them rent.

We moved in and they insisted they didn't want any money/rent from us at all. They said just keep it clean and tidy. Which wasn't a problem at all, but we would have preferred to have paid rent to them as well.

The property was one that a old man had passed away it, so they had my mother brother do some work on as it was in quite a state when they had bought it. By the way he is not a builder, so the work was not at all brilliant but we were just very grateful.

When we moved in the woodwork on the side of the stairs was spongy and rippled and the top step you couldn't step on as it wasn't safe. We thought it was rot, but my father hammered a few nails in it to support the top step and said it was fine.

We thought if we're not paying rent then we'll finished of jobs in the house. We painted the house, levelled the floors, carpeted, installed a stairwell/spindles as there was nothing there.

The garage had collapsed so we rebuild the garage and paid for the planning permission. The fence was damaged, missing, so we had new fencing, New guttering, the garden had collapsed down to the lower lever, so we had the wall supporting that rebuilt and a new patio laid. New decking area built too.

The drains had collapsed, so we also had that sorted.

Whilst we paid for and done this work to their property, we struggled to stop the condensation from the single pane windows. This mean wiping them down every morning, but we could never stop it. Some of the windowsills were rotten when we moved in. We also notice that the side wood on the stairs was splitting, warping more and mushrooms had started to grow and spread, the kitchen wall was also becoming damper and damper, plaster was falling off.

We decided we had spent enough on the property, and the dampness was becoming too much of an issue. We didn't want to spent on windows either as money had run out. My husband had gone up the attic to fetch the Halloween decorations and noticed everything was absolutely soaking up there, the felt on the roof was rotten, some tiles slipped.

We bought our new home and told my parents we think they need a new roof on their house and that this was probably contributing to the damp in the walls.

However, my parents have insisted that my partners fish tank caused all the dampness and problems with the house. I told them I don't think a fish task could have caused all those problems. Especially as the stairs was rotten when we moved in. And I explained about the roof again and said that my parter would help them do it. But there was no offer of money towards the batton, felt or roof tiles. My mother just said good, perhaps he can ask her brother (my uncle) to give him a hand. She said she thinks he would want £160 a day, clearly she was expecting us to pay his wages and for a new roof. So to avoid conflict my husband and I paid for them to have a new roof on the house.

They seem very ungrateful and are still blaming the fish tank for all the problems.

Even when we had moved out, we still had to pay the council tax, gas and electricity when the work was being done. My mother expected me to pay these bills until they either sold it or had rented it out.

I feel they are expecting too much and I've stopped paying the council tax, gas and electricity a few months ago. I told my mother I had given final readings and her details to the council, and energy supplier. She hadn't bothered to contact them or set up any direct debits, so now she's had final demands and keeps ringing me to say I better sort the bills out, I must have given wrong readings. Ive checked my photos of the readings and my final bills were correct.

I feel they expected too much and wish we hadn't accepted their offer.

OP posts:
Msgrieves · 28/01/2023 16:18

Wow you paid for a new roof to avoid conflict? Wanna be friends?

CrystalCoco · 28/01/2023 16:19

What an awful situation for you to be in OP.

It doesn't sound like your parents did you a favour, you did them one - a massive one!

I doubt they will be interested but I'd create an itemised list of all the things you fixed (inc. costs) and hand it over to them and explain how much your 'rent-free' stay actually cost you (in time and money).

Stand firm on the readings, they may be family but they're trying to fleece you!

ReamsOfCheese · 28/01/2023 16:22

You've been taken for absolute mugs. Why on earth did you renovate a decaying property you didn't own? You should have just moved out to somewhere habitable.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 28/01/2023 16:26

I’d tell your mother that if she keeps it up you’ll speak to a lawyer about claiming a beneficial interest to a share of the title due to all the money you’ve invested in it.

mcmooberry · 28/01/2023 16:28

Yes they expected too much and blaming the fish tank for dampness in the attic is bizarre and ridiculous. Not clear how long you were there but it reads as if any savings you made in living rent-free were more than offset by all the work you paid for.

LadyWithLapdog · 28/01/2023 16:38

That was a lot of money and work. Even just the logistics of organising everything and being around when work was carried out. Your parents sound a bit grabby. I hope your new place is nicer and feels like a proper home.

ShellsOnTheBeach · 28/01/2023 16:47

You need to stand your ground. You've given them WAY too much already.

I hope you kept photographic records of the state of the house prior to all the repairs you did, as well as comprehensive financial records. Just in case they turn nasty.

InBedBy10 · 28/01/2023 16:48

Your parents sound like cheeky fuckers and you sound like an absolute mug.

Paying for a new roof for a house you don't own to avoid conflict is batshit crazy OP.

Send your parents a list of everything you did to the house and how much it cost you. Stand firm on not paying the bills, they are not your responsibility. And don't accept any more 'favours' from your parents.

Gingernuttie · 28/01/2023 16:50

This has to be a joke post. Nobody is this stupid.

Justalittlebitduckling · 28/01/2023 16:58

A fish tank?! Surely not.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/01/2023 17:05

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 28/01/2023 16:26

I’d tell your mother that if she keeps it up you’ll speak to a lawyer about claiming a beneficial interest to a share of the title due to all the money you’ve invested in it.

This.

I am amazed you did all of that with no equity.

Blue789 · 28/01/2023 17:12

Lady With Lapdog thank you for your kind words.

To all who have posted. We did it as we wasn't paying rent and didn't want to stay there rent free. We expected them to appreciate it, not to expect all what they have and accuse us of wrecking the place because of the fish tank. I'm definitely standing firm now though, even though its caused a massive rift between us.

OP posts:
Mirroredlove · 28/01/2023 17:16

Was the fish tank in the loft? Why do they think it’s because of a fish tank? Lots of people have tanks and no mould/leaks.

DaysB4tinternet · 28/01/2023 17:24

The property belongs to your parents
The day you moved out
They became responsible for council tax, all bills, all repairs

Watchkeys · 28/01/2023 17:26

You've paid for stuff that they will benefit from long term. Does that cover the rent you would have paid? If so, they are indebted to you, because you lived in an illegally damp property, paid them sufficient rent, and they were irresponsible with your health.

mathanxiety · 28/01/2023 17:28

Is your mother a generally sharp person? What I mean is, are there any signs of dementia? I ask because she sounds delusional.

How did the house come into her possession? She never saw the state it was in? Never took out a mortgage for it and never had anyone come to appraise it? The house as you describe it sounds like a condemned property before you put the work in.

I hope you've kept records of the amount of money you spent and also any receipts or confirmation of payment notices from the council, utilities, etc. You

Your mother is the owner of record, and you've cleared all that you owe to the council, etc, so it's all her problem now. Someone needs to tell her in very plain English that this is what happens when you own a house.

Also, she needs to stop using her bodger brother to do repairs on the cheap.

Tangelablue · 28/01/2023 18:02

Was the fish tank dropped on the house, causing the tiles to slip?
They have taken advantage of you and probably think if they continue to pressure you, you will back down and pay the bills. Have they ever done anything like this before?

CatherinedeBourgh · 28/01/2023 18:07

I would tally up the amount you would have paid on a comparable property for the period you were there, vs the amount you have spent on repairs (if you did the work yourself, the cost of materials x2 for time cost).

I would then send it to them, even up the amounts and leave it that.

It's impossible to say if they are expecting too much without the numbers.

Watchkeys · 28/01/2023 18:13

the amount you would have paid on a comparable property

Keeping in mind that it was illegally damp and environmental health would have forced them to get the work done and fund your alternative accommodation.

SunnyCoco · 29/01/2023 00:08

Spare house

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