Where to go from here

[Finallyseeingthelight85]

I've realised today that my marriage is over. I would love to try and save it but I just don't know what to do or where to go from here

Married nearly 10 years. Together 17. 2 children (6 and 18 months)

Dh has a temperature and will (in my opinion) over react at thr smallest thing. If we don't hear what he says the first time and always parody it's met with screaming and him repeating it by shouting

If we don't answer a question how he is expecting (ie he is expecting a yes or no) and I give an an explanation for something, he rolls his eyes and follows up with is that a yes or no

If we argue, he has to be allowed to walk away and sit on his own. If I try and talk to him he accuses me harassing him. This happened yesterday (simple mistake understanding on something) and he is still not talking to me despite me apologising husbands of times and begging him to forget about it

He works a lot of nights shifts while I work full time office hours (largely from home) so I do majority around the house. But he will still complain stuff isn't done the way he likes it. So I try and do it how he wants and ita still not good enough.

I am emotionally drained. How much do you put up with before you realise there's nothing left.

Don't tolerate any of it. How he behaves is his issue. He shouldn't be treating his wife and little children with such contempt. The entitlement of this man is of him is unbelievable.

Your 'D'H is behaving like an arsehole, the only cure is to LTB, although I absolutely understand how hard / impossible that may be.

You have a lot of solidarity on here though as there seem to be plenty like him around these days, I'm married to similar.
💐

If we argue, he has to be allowed to walk away and sit on his own

tr: he has to be allowed his little tantrum and sulk. How babyish.

I empathise, not with your DH's specific behaviour, but the despair.

What struck me most was not a scintilla of affection, and your consistent use of "we": you are describing a household already mentally split between you and your children, and DH.

However I am going to couples counselling. I told DH if we didn't he had to leave. It is definitely helping, though we are not "there" yet. I mention this because a big thing we have had to look at is communication, including arguing.

Take care, and good luck.

I known I'm not perfect, far from it but it's just the sulking when we have an argument. It goes on for days and it's like I have to wait until he's got over himself for things to be normal again

In thr last few weeks we have argued about
Not being intimate enough - so I've made an effort to do things more (difficult with 2 young children and 2 full time jobs!)

Not spending enough time together - but then he goes to football games all weekend on the only day I get off

Complaining I don't keep the house as tidy as he wants - so I take a day off work to get the tidying done and then he moans I'm not spending the time with him

Why are you dancing to his tune ?
End it, get some time off when he has the kids, and live in a mess if you want to.

It goes on for days and it's like I have to wait until he's got over himself for things to be normal again

Does he then want to talk through the issue and reach a mutually acceptable resolution, or are you just so pleased he's started talking again that you daren't bring it up, and you try to forget all about it?

Do the issues you bring up in arguments ever actually get dealt with?

Do you have enough in the joint emotional bank account to easily forgive the inevitable transgressions?

Sounds like you are way beyond that.
You both have to prioritise the kids' futures.

He might not be able to, so you WILL have to.

You have to be able to repair. Agreed.

agreed