Encouraging my child's friendship with a child when I don't like the mother?

[Chocolateeggz]

My child has a lovely friendship with a lovely child and I feel I could do more to encourage it by inviting her over more.

I however, do not like her mother. She is rude and self-centred and dismissive of other people. I have tried to form a friendship with her on the back of our childrens' friendship and I just couldn't tolerate the one-sidedness of it all and I would leave her company feeling totally drained and irritated.

My child hasn't made any other friends since starting school (she's shy) so i would like to encourage and help develop the lovely friendship she does have.

How do I go about this without getting too close to her mother? If I invite the child over to play- the mother tends to invite herself and comes too.

Why would you want to encourage a friendship where the main role model is like that?

Why bring such unnecessary toxicity into your life.

There are other nice children around with nice parents, encourage those friendship.

Life is too short IMO

Give the mother more of a chance? You might find her personality changes the more you get to know her? Just a long shot because it sounds like the children have a good friendship.

How old are the children? Becuase there comes a point, fairly soon, where you can encourage playdates without the parent being there. "Would Mary like to come over for a playdate after school this week? I could pick the girls up after school and give them dinner at around 5 - you could pick her up at 6?"

Having said that, for very young children, I have found friendships where the parents don't get on will be hard. It gets easier as they get older.

How old is your child? IME parents stop coming on play dates around age 6.

Give it time, eventually the mum won’t be inviting herself. As the child is lovely and your child’s closest friend you can soldier through this initial phase of making small chat with the mum.

I've known her a long time. Before we had our children. Why would I keep being in the company of someone who drains me in the hope that she'll stop draining me?

You can't dictate your child's friendships like this.

It's not about you

Ah yes of course, ignore my advice. I assumed this was a new mum you'd just met and that some people can seem a bit off if they're nervous etc.

You just have to suck up parents if they are friends with your child

Can you not suggest friend comes over after school so you collect both and indicate to mum so do you want to pick her up about 6pm I can feed them both here, that sort of thing.

she doesn’t sound very old. When they’re little you encourage lots of friendships and cast the net wide. Invite lots of play dates at home, park etc and I wouldn’t get hyper focused on one friend

There's no need to become friends just because your children are friends.

Just let the kids be friends and get on with your own separate adult life.