I haven't had sex with DH in nearly 3 years - is this still a marriage?

[fedupandisolated]

This is totally my issue as i was sexually abused as a child. I also have a low libido and my past makes me just not want to be touched alot of the time. I had dreadful PND with DS who is now 5 and went on Seroxat which killed off any little libido I had. I got off them last year but am now taking a different AD as I suffer with severe anxiety. The drug helps with the anxiety but has reduced my libido to virtually nothing.

Last night DH said that "this doesn't feel like a marriage". When I asked him to elaborate he just said that he saw me as "just someone I live with".

There are other issues going on at the moment as well. I am planning a big move across country to be nearer my family who could offer me alot more support. I have a job interview next week and if I get it I will go. DH does not want to move but says he will go with me as he feels he has no choice. He is self employed and much of his work is in the south east (where I would like to be and where my family are). He sees his family with great regularity as he stays with his Mum (who also lives in the south east) whenever he works up there. However, she and my father in law have their house up for sale and are planning a move to Wales where my sister in law lives.
I had my MIL on the phone in tears last night simply because I have an interview and going on about how far away we would be when they move to Wales. It seems that she can move where she wants but not me!

DH says that he still loves me and I do still love him but I just don't feel like having sex - if I had an option I'd never have sex ever again - have tried talking to DH about this but it's hard. He just wants me to re-discover my libido but I just can't. Not sure I even fancy DH anymore and just don't know what to do.

MY DS is in Reception year and in a small school where he has settled in well. There are just 18 children in his class - in the south east there'd be nearly 30. DH told me that I was being selfish and putting my needs above DS. However, I am not looking at moving to the south east because I want to hurt or upset anyone but simply because my mental health would be better if I had family support.

Just don't know what to do anymore - not sure this is still a viable marriage although I do still love him.

Surely if your mental health improves you can come off the ad's and your libido may return saving your health and your marriage?

This may well be the case. However, my doctor thinks I wilol always need a low dose of them to maintain myself on an even keel. I feel that if I was happier it can only benefit the rest of the family (DH and DS).

If both of you were happy, I'd say sex doesn't matter. But he isn't happy and when one wants one thing and the other wants something else, and you can't meet in the middle, it is a recipe for disaster.

Sounds like this is a very complicated issue for you and TBH, I think you really could use professional input - Relate or similar, together or you alone at first.

There is hope for you - you LOVE each other, that's worth fighting for. Don't do this alone, you can get help.

Have you tried 'doing the deed' regardless of whether you feel like it? Sometimes you can get into it once you're omitted to actually doing it if you know what i mean

Sorry to be predictable, but have you had counselling? Specialist counselling for you sounds like a good idea, and couple counselling together pref. with same counsellor.

Oh my sex drive is almost zilch since having dd I just don't care if i never have sex again.

I would say you may need some councilling, have you dealt with what happened in your past? have you spoken to a proffesional about it? it might help you.

I do also agree with have you actually tried to just do the deed weather you feel like it or not because to be honest once things get started with me i do enjoy it, i think it is more the thought!

I agree with hecate, you need to work through the issues from your past to make your future brighter. Have you heard of mind detoxing? Visit www.mindbodyco.co.uk I have done this and although not a cheap option it certainly helped me. Support of your family is a good thing to have. Your son I'm sure will adjust and surely will be happier if his mummy is happier? I think the way to go is professional help of some sort or another. At least you can talk to your ds about it and that is the first step! Good luck!

Fedup - have yo discussed what lovemygirls has suggested with you husband. Surely by moving you've got the best chance of both ending up in a win win situation ?

There is also the possibility of you going alone. I only say this because you're questioning your feelings for him anyway. It would be a shame to give up the opportunity of a job near the people you feel could support you most for a man you may not end up staying with anyway..

I wouldn't take the word of a GP who has told you you'll be on medication the rest of your life. Counselling may really benefit you and enable you to come off the drugs for good.

Take care and remember there are people here you can talk to xx