Is couples therapy a waste of time?

[Whatisgoingona]

Due to an almost infidelity and not having sex in 8 months (we’re 27 & 28)

I suppose it depends if you are both on the same page, what you go in to it looking for and how committed you both are on the end result.

Not always. Are you married / have kids? If not and you’re so young I’d just go separate ways. Realise might not be that easy if you’ve got a mortgage etc so if that makes separating life’s harder and you’re both on board yes it can help. But I think I’d probably only go to couples therapy if I had kids with someone. Because if not, you do reconcile and get married / have kids then you’re not doing going to end up back needing couples therapy further down the line

I have 2 friends that did couples therapy and it absolutely saved their marriage (no infidelity/ near infidelity involved). I always say with counselling it's so important to get the right therapist, someone you are comfortable with. If you get a good one, they are amazing.

We do we have a 10 month old otherwise would definitely be over

We found it very helpful in a similar situation. It was opportunity to talk about the why and the negative/positives of our relationship without arguing. However, there was a lot of love there from both sides and a willingness to work on it from both parties. We built the intimacy back up over time and 8 years later I’m so glad that we put the effort in. I trust him in a different way to be before but to be honest I think what we have now is more healthy as it’s realistic and transparent because we communicate. We were about your age when it happened and we went to counselling a year or so after. The reality is that the whole situation helped us to develop our relationship and whilst I’m not glad it happened it did definitely change things for the better.

Hey OP, 29 here (in case age does matter), with young kids, counselling is on the cards for us too but whilst we find the right counsellor that suits us we have been listening to this podcast called;

Love, Happiness & Success Podcast with Dr Lisa Marie Bobby

There's a couple on there which are specific to infidelity and we found those really useful.

Both my parents swear by counselling. But as everyone says, you do both have to be open for it, fully committed to it and fully committed to wanting your relationship to continue.

I think so. If it's over, it's over. No use paying good money to flog a dead horse.

Try a Gottman therapist and avoid relate.

Assuming you didn’t do the cheating and you are financially independent, With only one child in your 20s if you don’t own a house together and you are not married I’d be tempted to call it quits.

You don’t want to be having a second/third with him and it happens again when financially you are more entwined and less financially able to split.

Definitely, definitely not a waste of time. And if you've got a wee one then I'm going to be a twat and say you owe it to them to give it a go.

Separation/divorce isn't the worst thing in the world; but it's pretty fucking bad. You need to be able to look your kid in the face in the future and tell them you did everything you possibly could to avoid it.

No personal experience that but a therapist I follow just posted a short video on couples therapy that might be helpful.

You need to look your kid in the face and tell them they need to be happy in what ever choice they make. That staying together in a relationship that is over is not the best choice.

Completely worth it. They can hold you together while you heal and dig yourselves out of the shit.
Good luck. Long road ahead

I see so many of these Qs and posts, if it is a sexual issue why are you not going to a sex therapist? Our issue was similar, it was sexual, we went to a very aggressive sex therapist and we been moving along quite nicely. We are open to the fluidity of sex and making certain we find ways to help one another even if they are alternatives. It's the "whatever it takes" to keep it working.