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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner lazy & immature

6 replies

gkok · 27/01/2023 08:42

Hi all looking for some gentle advice
getting to my wits end with my partner! We are both 22 and students, living with his parents.
recently he’s been driving me round the bend with messiness, laziness, inability to see chores that need doing and that kind of thing.
he’s been working from home doing a masters degree with exams at the moment, but instead he’s been sat playing video games and scrolling on his phone. And this morning he slept in so missed his final exam.
feeling sick to death of this immature attitude as I’m SAHM and do everything unless I beg him to do something to help (one time asking doesn’t get through to him!). Wondering if this will ever get better or if this will be life from now on.
told him multiple times to buck up his ideas or I will move back home with my parents. Am I being dramatic or Is now that time?

OP posts:
rhowton · 27/01/2023 08:45

Your life will never improve if you stay with this man. Leave him.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 27/01/2023 08:45

Now is the time.

Fakeairpodsfakeoodie · 27/01/2023 08:48

Sounds like living back with parents he's slipped back into the role of teenager and needs to grow up.
If he wants to be a teenager go back to your parents and just see him outside of "school" when he doesn't have homework.

Sounds like it's either the end or you need to get your own place and see if he steps up to the adult plate or stays at the kiddie table.

gkok · 27/01/2023 08:50

Fakeairpodsfakeoodie · 27/01/2023 08:48

Sounds like living back with parents he's slipped back into the role of teenager and needs to grow up.
If he wants to be a teenager go back to your parents and just see him outside of "school" when he doesn't have homework.

Sounds like it's either the end or you need to get your own place and see if he steps up to the adult plate or stays at the kiddie table.

I’m desperate to get our own place and be a family but we just can’t afford that with no income!
Just wish I could see if that would improve our situation once he’s got a job and our own place

OP posts:
Cfs · 27/01/2023 09:20

Before you take the advice of 'leave the b@5t$%'

I think you can do a few things to try have a stable family home for your child.

You need your own place. Get it. One way or another. Seek advice from citizens advice if you need to

Communicate. Tell him what kind of life you want to live together in your home. I.e. i want to live in a clean home, do you? Okay, how can we do it. Suggest he pays for a cleaner for his share if he doesnt want to clean. Some people just weren't born to clean and that's fine if he can earns the money to pay somebody.

Practice and master your tone, timing and delivery. When talking about sticking points make sure you are both fed, watered, rested and in a good place. Start by acknowledging your own weakness first (make it up if you have to ;) in his weak area and then ask how you're going to solve it.

I.e. I struggle to keep on top of the housework, it gets me down. Can we solve this?

Get him to suggest some solutions. "Google it" (how people manage house chores) and read advice from a third party (lands better than telling him what he should be doing). Pretend you don't know how it's done either.

I have lived with a big kid like yours but he is getting there.

If communications fail. Then revert to tough love. Natural consequences. Tell him you will live on your own until he is ready to take on normal adult responsibilities. If the threat of losing his life with you and your child doesn't shape him up then yes it is time to split up.

Warrensrabbit · 27/01/2023 09:49

if he wasn’t only 22 you could be describing my soon to be ex partner. Leave him now, they don’t improve, all that happens is you become financially tied to them and it becomes a pig to unpick

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