dh playing mind games with me

[arabella2]

hello, have not posted on this site for ages or even looked at it but here goes - another gripe about dh...
We have a 3 year old and an 8 month old so life is hectic and we have very little time for each other. He is away for three days every week working as well and I find this very hard.
Anyway, just to know your opinions, our latest fight is about the baby and something he was giving her to eat this morning. I came into the room where the two kids and dh were and I saw dd with her mouth full so I said what is she eating? Ds pointed to the fried polenta on his plate so I got annoyed with dh as she is not supposed to be having fried food with salt on it... First dh said she likes it! So I said she wouldn't know what was good and what wasn't (well, I actually said she would like arsenic if you gave it to her!)... So I then said how much this annoys me as she is not supposed to have oily salty food, he then said all annoyed... it was avocado what do you think my name is, "my name"??? So I said why did ds say it was corn??? (Also, she was chewing something in a way which was not avocado (slippery) but much more chewy and yellow). So he then told ds "Mummy is a fibber!" Sounds like real projection this... I then thought about it a bit and told him he was the liar not me and not to call me a liar in front of my son (because ds had then repeated "Mummy is a fibber!"). So I am upset because I think he did lie to me and he then tries to get you all confused and upset by saying that you lied. What he is really saying to me I know is to "f* off" (pardon me) and not bother him about such things... I wouldn't mind this if he said it directly but to mess with my mind and tell ds that I am a fibber is really too much. We are not getting on at all well, we go from one sulky patch to another with the odd very good day here and there. It's exhausting. I just wish I mattered to him a bit more but I don't think I do. He is just madly in love with the kids and I am the burden that comes with them. That's how it feels anyway.
Any thoughts???

That's horrible arabella. I'm sorry, I've got no real advice - that was the sort of thing my ex used to do to mke until I was so mixed up that he thought he could get away with anything, and did until I left him. Big hugs to you, and I hope someone else has some good advice - but please don't put up with this kind of sh*t!

Havent got really anything constructive to say, but definetly wanted to send lots of ((hugs)) But a thought is if possible, try not to argue/disagree in front of your ds. I think it was out of order of your dh telling your ds that "mummy is a fibber". Sorry you're having a rough time xxxxx

I wonder if he feels a bit jealous that it you who is more involvedf with the children, because he has to be away so much. Could you get him to read some stuff online about what is best for babies to eat and what they shouldn't have. Try to talk about it calmly (hard I know) and then hand over to him a bit once you are sure he understands.

sorry to hear your dh is doing this arabella. My dh tells me I am useless and lazy etc in front of the children too and no matter how much I insist he doesn't berate me either in front of the kids or alone he ignores me.

It is really easy when you have a young baby for the relationship to go by the wayside. Mine did, and to a certain extent, it is still not back to normal. Have you been out alone together at all since the birth? If not, you must try to, so that you start to remember what being a couple os like.

Sorry sweetie, but it does sound a little like you are reading too much into the situation. I have to tell my dh all the time not to say things about me in front of ds, because it will all come out from him at the wrong time! You are obviously feeling neglected, which is natural. He probably is too.

I wish I had something helpful to say, but I don't know what to suggest. I am so sorry that you are feeling like this, I think you maybe are reading too much into this situation, as Dior suggests, but probably only because of several instances like it.
I hope you and your husband can sort it out
Lots of luck and hugs
Tilly

It's really easy to go down the route to nagging each other, because you are tired etc etc. Take a big step back, if dh is helping out, is that better than the exact correct diet? I agree that I would not feed salty food to an 8mth old. When you find him feeding the wrong thing, how about just making something different and handing it over with a nonchalant "I think she might prefer this" - then cross your fingers that she does.

Your next step is to make some time for you as a couple. If you are going to survive the course, you must attend to your relationship as well. Even if all you do is go out for a quick drink, go to the cinema. Don't necessarily do the romantic dinner thing, too fraught with pitfalls.

It's hell, but it will get better.

Post below might sound a bit holier than thou. Not meant to be tho'. Really trying to offer helpful suggestion.

Thanks - feel better today as we kind of made it up last night, we do an awful lot of unnecessary sulking though. I am definitely feeling neglected - don't know if he is or not.
I agree with you warmmum - the whole issue is not HUGELY important - it's probably more about other things. It is hell though...