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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I the problem?

7 replies

Mammamia13 · 26/01/2023 21:08

Me and my partner have been together for nine years. over the nine years A lot of things have happened. He has emotionally she cheated and from what I know he has not cheated physically. he swears to me that he hasn’t and yes it has been stupid of me to stay but Im still here. we have a baby together and the baby is just one years old. He keeps arguing with me and I feel like he blames me most of the time for the arguments. today for example, we literally had an argument because of a chess game that he wanted me to play while I was at work. And I didn’t mind playing but he sent me the link to the game and I clicked on it and I was playing with somebody else which I thought I was playing with him. He calls me and started telling me that I wasn’t moving and I wasn’t playing and I told him that I was he. started getting upset and giving me attitude. I told him to please stop giving me attitude and that I was playing and then we noticed that I was actually playing with another person. He started getting upset at me and telling me that I never wanted to play in the first place and that I don’t really wanna play with him and I started telling him that I do want to play with him it’s just that I was playing with the wrong person and he started telling me didn’t you notice the time frame, which he was supposed to put the time for an hour and the game that I was playing was for 10 minutes. I noticed the 10 minutes but since I’m working, I didn’t really pay attention to it I was just playing . So then he was like “do you think I’m stupid and that I don’t know how to fix the settings in the game” and I was telling him no I don’t think you’re stupid. I never said that I’m just telling you that I do want to play with you and he kept giving me attitude and telling me why I’m continuing to argue with him but I was just telling him that I really did want to play with him. I know this is a petty argument, but I feel like a lot of our arguments are like this.

another argument that we had he kept saying that I was the one being indecisive when in reality he was the one asking me questions. For example, the other night we went out and I told him about this new restaurant so we went to go check it out. when we went inside we noticed that it was kind of like a lounge area and we were with the baby. we decided to go someplace else. so when we went back outside we saw there was kids there and he was like oh look there’s a kid there maybe it isn’t that bad so I told him do you wanna go back inside and he started bitching at me because I was saying do you want to go back inside and then he started arguing with me about how indecisive I am and saying that it’s hard to have fun with me and that I’m always indecisive. I just feel like every single time we have an argument he puts the blame on me. And says that I’m combative. I’m just getting tired of all this.

OP posts:
2Hot2Handle · 26/01/2023 21:12

Did you argue like this before you a baby? Are you both sleep deprived/prioritising the baby with less time for each other?

Sucessinthenewyear · 26/01/2023 21:13

I don’t understand the whole game thing. Why would you agree to play a game when you were working? Why was he even sending you a link when your working?

It sounds like it could be a communication issue but it’s hard to tell from your examples.

If you could sum it up in one sentence what do you think is the problem? How do you do you want your relationship to be different?

category12 · 26/01/2023 21:14

It sounds awful. He doesn't sound like he is much of a partner - bullying, angry, unfaithful. What's the point of being with him? He's just destroying your self-worth.

Also, bad idea to be pushing you to play chess at work - does he want you to lose your job?

You need to build up some boundaries, not let him push over you all the time and getting you to do things you shouldn't and putting up with treatment you shouldn't.

Mammamia13 · 26/01/2023 21:22

My job doesn’t really care about me being on my phone. So I told him that I can play a game throughout the day, since that is something he wants to do with me. But when I’m as playing with him I played with the wrong person and we did not notice until we spoke to each other.I thought it was funny. But he was getting upset with me and saying that he knows that I really don’t want to play with him and that I thought he was stupid and I kept telling him that I do want to play with him and that I do not think he is stupid and that I do not know where this was coming from. And he kept telling me that he doesn’t understand why I was arguing with him, when I wasn’t even giving him attitude.

I know this seems kind of stupid, but I’m just saying that a lot of these arguments are like this he gets upset with me for some reason and then turns it like if I’m the one that started the argument when in reality, it’s him and then he starts making me feel bad.

OP posts:
category12 · 26/01/2023 21:27

What kind of job isn't bothered about paying you to play chess online?

You know this relationship isn't right and that he constantly blames you for everything. If you're so bloody awful, why doesn't he leave?

Do yourself a favour and split up with him.

Justheretoseemnormal · 26/01/2023 21:33

Are you with my ex ??

Mammamia13 · 26/01/2023 21:50

It’s not that they don’t care but if they see me on my phone they don’t mind it because I get my work done and I’ve been working there for 6 years and also the office environment is very chill. But that is also the reason why we put the time frame 1 our, so that I can do my work and every once in a while make a move. But that isn’t the point, the point is that I feel like he blames me for a lot of things and I think he Is just staying because of the baby

OP posts:
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