Do you ever feel like you've got someone elses life on by mistake?

[chuggabopps]

As far as I can tell my own ambitions for my life are/ were pretty modest.
Career- not high flying but progressive ie not entry level all the time
Car- gets from a to b, not nec new, but all mine
house- wish for the chance to be co-owner of little semi
husband- the other co owner of house, loving equal and long lasting relationship. emotional support, and financially equal
Child/ren- to appear when the above are all in place
oh and for my mother and siblings to be satisfied with my choices.
I have cocked up on all these fronts, feel like I have let myself down and wasted my life. What I have feels like its someone elses- if only I could become that person then I might feel the slightest bit satified with all that I do have, cos I know others have it a lot worse.

So what I do actually have is-
job- admin that isn't going anywhere, and a school leaver could do it.
car- on tick
house- my first home tiny but up for sale due to..see below.. and will not be able to buy a house when it is sold.
soon-to-be-ex-H- am divorcing him after seperating 15 months ago
boyf- after 5 months have realised that he is sponging off me and has no intention of getting a job/ treating me with respect
child- have found am pg two weeks ago

need to get boyf out of my house, get it sold, and find somewhere else to live, whilst funding divorce, paying off car, and prospect of no work after baby born anyway as contract is due to end round about then.

its doing my head in- too much to deal with.
please offer your advice.

Chuggabopps, am really sorry you have all of this to deal with in one go. I have experience of some of the above - but not all at once. Some suggestions which might help:

1. You could either do your own divorce to avoid costs, or not progress the divorce yet - unless you really need to.
2. What about a lodger to pay some of the mortgage costs - and try to stay in your house?? Might also avoid some moving costs as well??
3. Not sure about the job one - advice from the Job Centre??

Sorry you have all of this.

ah chugga
you have a lot on yer plate.
but you know, things change. nothing stays the same.
and often, thats a good thing

you nevcer know whats around the corner...its all swings and roundabouts... a game of two halves... chin up... always look on the brigt side of life... any of this helping at all??

Congratulations ! Though I'm guessing it doesn't feel like it this minute?

I was in a similarly awful situation nearly five years ago...But keep ya head and you will be fine. (I was half-mad, like you thinking ffs I got someone else's shit life!, but being pg had to proceed with caution)

1. Is bf a lost cause really?
2. Sell car and get (longed-for) 2nd hand banger, to cut out repayments)
3. Get a lodger ffs! you need somewhere to live, renting's crap! - oh unless you can go somewhere cheap - I did that!
4. Make sure you get every single penny of assistance you can from tax credits, maternity allowance, go to CAB if you don't know about it.

helping??

sorry i was flippant... wasnt trying to be, was trying to cheer you up.

i agree 100% with the stay in your house and get a lodger thing. go to CAB to find out your rights and how to go about it. now is not a good time to be homeless

I often feel this way about my life!Re having quite a modest goal which seems to be beyond me. But you have to look at what you've got, advice I don't always follow, I'm afraid. If you're happy about pregnancy, that's fantastic straight off. What your child needs most is your love and that isn't dependant on money, or career success,or even a good relationship with his/her dad.

Try to hold on to the house, but if you can't, don't beat yourself up. Your life will improve, and get closer to what you want if you work at it, but it will take some time. Also, I often think we look at other people who "have it all" and don't see their disappointments or the truth behind their relationships/prosperity.

Could you look for a new(permanent) job now, if you're up to it? It is illegal to discriminate on grounds of pregnancy, and if you got something secure - local govt, or so on, they would probably be ok about it.You might not get much maternity pay but at least would have a job after the baby's born.I think that might be useful for your self-esteem. I would go to CAB and check out what you'll be entitled to after baby's born, too.

Best of luck with it all.

Just a quick update on this- went to drs last Fri to confirm pg and get refered to practice mw.All went fine, blood pressure a bit low but otherwise ok. Boyf mega chuffed- or so it seemed, said "now I know my boys know where to swim to!"
then went out for a bit on Sun- came back to find all his stuff had gone and his keys were thru the letterbox.
Hes gone- for good it seems. don't know where to- don't think hes a penny to his name.
Think he didn't take me seriously untill dr had confirmed it- then paniced and fled.
Not looking for sympathy tho- cos he was being a bit of an arse before this cropped up.
Now thinking may terminate- I know my reasons may seem trivial compared to the tragic circumstances of others but just can't see how I can provide a home for me plus bump on my own without going into major debt. Will my house get repoed if I stayed in it to have baby and just not make payments till I could get a new job after birh? say six months? How long do you get before the mort lenders can terf you out?

Really wish I could help chugga. Through experience can say, with the pregnancy, you must do what you want to do.
On the house front - some mortgages can have a payment holiday. You can ask if you can not make any payments for a set period (with our company the max is a year) bearing in mind the missing payments are added to your mortgage. Hope this helps - {{Big Hug}}

thanks SM- good to know someones there.

going to drs again to get advice on the possible health implications on ending it, the risk to future fertility etc.
hope i can see someone who will just give me the medical facts rather than be involve in the ethics side. Know some drs would be a bit biased on this.

Think I should tell ex-boyf that this is what I am considering now? or did he give up all right to know when he walked out?

In my opinion it is totally your decision. He has made it clear that he can walk away whenever he likes. You will be the one left picking up the pieces.
I had a termination when I was 21. I now have 3 lovely dc's and dont regret what I did when I was 21. It just wasn't the right time.
When you go to the counselling they will be more concerned with if this is what you REALLY want. If you have any doubt then dont terminate, you could be left with regrets.
I think these days there isnt really any health implications for you.

good to hear from one who has experience. so far I have no idea what I really want, just not to be me. TBH depression may well be surfacing here to confuse me more.
Have no experince with babies as such, and as family are far away wouldn't be able to get any support. So that sways me towards it...

but then think about all the people out there that can do it and have even enjoyed it.
the prospect of putting myself in the position of not earning my own money is terrifying to me, but given that my maternal family have history of early menopause don't know if this is my only chance to have one of my own.
Thanks for not judging me.

am somewhat frightened by the idea of the proceedure too actually. I know I shouldn't have got this far in my life being too scared to have an internal but so far only one dr persuaded me to do it, once, for a smear, and it was a failure. Couldn't do it right, much pain.
Is there much in the way of physical after effects?

From what I remember you can have general anaesthetic so you can be asleep for procedure. After effects are more like severe period pains.

you can just take tablets and a pessary, no need to be knocked out..but it depends on how far gone you are?