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Original poster

I acknowledged my ex and felt all the better for it

29 replies

Onmyownagain1 · 26/01/2023 16:39

My relationship ended in early 2021 and we've had absolutely no contact. I saw him for the first time at a recent event and after half an hour of pretending the other wasn't there, I decided to be the bigger person so I walked across the room and all I said was, "I'm not going to ignore you", I felt he was stumped and replied with the same words. I didn't say hello, or his name or anything else. He went to say something else but I just walked away as I didn't want to engage further. He hurt me a lot at the end of our relationship in the way he discarded me, so I'd have every reason to ignore him, but that's just not me. If I saw him again, I'd leave it up to him, otherwise I wouldn't bother. I don't want to be his friend or engage in chat otherwise.
Did I handle it well?
I actually felt good and strong afterwards.

OP posts:
NomadicSoul · 26/01/2023 17:20

If it made you feel better and stronger, then yes you handled it well. Whatever people here may or may not think is largely irrelevant after that.

Tileuh · 26/01/2023 17:22

You 'ignored' him for an hour. Went over and told him you weren't going to ignore him, then when he tried to have a conversation you walked off, ignoring him for the rest of the evening.

I don't Relaly understand what that achieved but if it made you feel better, well done, I guess?

Ofcourseshecan · 26/01/2023 17:37

Well done, OP. You showed you weren't embarrassed or humiliated, you weren't going to keep your head down and pretend you hadn't seen him. You spoke on your own terms, said what you wanted to say and then walked off. That also means you've got it over with and don't have to worry about what you'll do next time.

Enjoy that good feeling!

Original poster
Onmyownagain1 · 26/01/2023 17:42

Tileuh · 26/01/2023 17:22

You 'ignored' him for an hour. Went over and told him you weren't going to ignore him, then when he tried to have a conversation you walked off, ignoring him for the rest of the evening.

I don't Relaly understand what that achieved but if it made you feel better, well done, I guess?

I waited half an hour, not an hour, then my group moved into a different part of the building so didn't see him afterwards. I was very polite, and did it so as not to be rude. Because he hurt me so much I didn't want to engage further.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onmyownagain1 · 26/01/2023 17:43

Ofcourseshecan · 26/01/2023 17:37

Well done, OP. You showed you weren't embarrassed or humiliated, you weren't going to keep your head down and pretend you hadn't seen him. You spoke on your own terms, said what you wanted to say and then walked off. That also means you've got it over with and don't have to worry about what you'll do next time.

Enjoy that good feeling!

Yes, I didn't want to appear childish and I don't ignore people

OP posts:
Tigresses · 26/01/2023 17:54

You took control - were civil and adult.

Well done.

I am glad you feel relief and pride.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 26/01/2023 17:55

I find a bit baffling that you told him you wouldn't ignore him... And then did as he tried to speak.
But if that makes sense to you then that's all that matters, you were the one who was there.

Notmyyearthisyear · 26/01/2023 17:58

Tileuh · 26/01/2023 17:22

You 'ignored' him for an hour. Went over and told him you weren't going to ignore him, then when he tried to have a conversation you walked off, ignoring him for the rest of the evening.

I don't Relaly understand what that achieved but if it made you feel better, well done, I guess?

This

Tigresses · 26/01/2023 18:03

Did I handle it well?
I actually felt good and strong afterwards.

Yes you did because YOU felt good and strong afterwards

Original poster
Onmyownagain1 · 26/01/2023 18:05

Tigresses · 26/01/2023 18:03

Did I handle it well?
I actually felt good and strong afterwards.

Yes you did because YOU felt good and strong afterwards

Thank you, and I wasn't rude, even though it might sound like it. I was quite nervous approaching him.

OP posts:
Choconut · 26/01/2023 18:18

If you're not going to ignore him - but you're not going to speak to him when he speak to you - then I'm not sure what you're going to do. Sounds like a lot of pointless nonsense to prove some sort of point on your part.

Dery · 26/01/2023 19:10

I think you did a good thing. If he hurt you deeply, I can see why you didn’t necessarily feel ready to hang around and chat. But what you did was to get over the initial awkwardness of being in a shared space with him.

It reminds me of an exchange in ER: a couple has split up and the guy is with someone new. The ex-girlfriend is genuinely okay with it and tells him that. He then invites her to dinner with him and new GF. She replies “I’m not that okay!”

These things are a matter of degree. You can be ready to say hi but not ready to chat and that’s okay.

sammylady37 · 26/01/2023 19:18

Tileuh · 26/01/2023 17:22

You 'ignored' him for an hour. Went over and told him you weren't going to ignore him, then when he tried to have a conversation you walked off, ignoring him for the rest of the evening.

I don't Relaly understand what that achieved but if it made you feel better, well done, I guess?

I agree with this, I’m not sure why you did what you did, tbh

Original poster
Onmyownagain1 · 26/01/2023 19:28

I went over to break the ice, told him I wouldn't ignore him, so now he knows, but as previous poster said, I didn't want to engage in a long chat this time. Maybe next time it'll be easier. Maybe I should have been childish like him then and just ignored, but that's not my personality.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 26/01/2023 19:42

I think it would have been better if you’d have listened to what he said, gave a polite answer and then walked off. As you ignored him, told him you weren’t ignoring him, when he tried to make conversation you walked off and so ignored him. I think you’d have been better either just ignoring him or exchange a few pleasantries

Tileuh · 26/01/2023 19:44

Onmyownagain1 · 26/01/2023 19:28

I went over to break the ice, told him I wouldn't ignore him, so now he knows, but as previous poster said, I didn't want to engage in a long chat this time. Maybe next time it'll be easier. Maybe I should have been childish like him then and just ignored, but that's not my personality.

You think walking off when he is replying to a statement you took the time to cross a room to make, isn't childish?

sammylady37 · 26/01/2023 19:46

Onmyownagain1 · 26/01/2023 19:28

I went over to break the ice, told him I wouldn't ignore him, so now he knows, but as previous poster said, I didn't want to engage in a long chat this time. Maybe next time it'll be easier. Maybe I should have been childish like him then and just ignored, but that's not my personality.

But… you told him you wouldn’t ignore him, and then you did ignore him, you walked off when he was talking and you didn’t say anymore to him. That’s ignoring him, which is what you said you wouldn’t do. That what doesn’t make sense to many posters here.

Original poster
Onmyownagain1 · 26/01/2023 19:52

Okay, I'm able to accept that I was wrong in how I handled it, that's why I was looking for opinions

OP posts:
unfortunateevents · 26/01/2023 20:33

Look at the end of the day, you felt better after your interaction, so that's really all that matters.

However, I'm really perplexed that you think he was childish to ignore you, yet you did exactly the same thing – it could've been either of you who approached the other one first – and you then told him you didn't want to ignore him, and proceeded to do exactly that when he tried to speak to you! If this guy doesn't mean anything to you anymore, and your group moved on after half an hour, I think just a nod of the head from across the room would have been perfectly adequate acknowledgement. To me walking over and speaking to him, but then refusing to listen to what he was saying, has actually shown him that he still has some kind of hold over you?

LynetteScavo · 26/01/2023 20:40

You say you don't ignore people, but you struck up conversation and as he was about to engage you walked off. From what you've typed, I don't get it.

It does sound like you were slightly rude, which is why you know feel like you have one up on him.

I think a non committal nod and smile to acknowledge him would have been suffice- it would have totally said "I'm not ignoring you, but neither do I wish to engage" But it's done now. He's probably not given your encounter any further thought.

Viviennemary · 26/01/2023 20:44

I think you probably left him bewildered. You approached him. Said younweren't ignoring him but didnt respond whem he answered.

ZaphodDent · 26/01/2023 21:01

I think some people here are being a bit mean. I can only imagine what you felt like when you saw him, and you managed to say something first. The fact you approached him at all was probably quite a big deal to you, given what happened.

The absolute most important point is that you felt better for it. It definitely doesn't matter what he thought about it. Well done, OP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/01/2023 21:05

It is difficult and you started off being the bigger person. It was the weakling away when he spoke to you that's a bit odd. It's weird though so I do understand.

Now forget all about it. Smile

Hawkins001 · 26/01/2023 21:10

All the best op,

mumofthemonsters808 · 26/01/2023 21:32

I think next time you see him just say Hello, no chit chat just a simple greeting is enough.

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