Sister telling abusive ex about inheritance

[myturntonamechange]

My mum died recently and my very low contact sister and I have been in contact a bit more via WhatsApp. The main reason we’re VLC is when I left my abusive ex many years ago, she sided with him. Her view was that I was making a bit of a fuss over nothing and have MH issues.

We had no contact for 10 years and then we have very gradually moved to a happy birthday message and a couple of times had a Christmas cup of tea. I haven’t seen her since 2019, but things were warmer.

My mum died recently and left me £20k and DD (just 18) £10k. By a quirk of the will, the money is paid into DD’s account and she now has to pay me my share.

Last night DD told me my sister had told my ex how much I was inheriting and he told DD how much we were both getting (I hadn’t told DD yet how much, but she knew my mum had died and there was a small inheritance). I’m very hurt by my sister’s actions and was already dithering about going to the funeral (we’re full Stately Homes).

What should I do? Or leave it?

I don't think there's any need to reply to your sister's message. Hers was meant to convey 'you've left me to do all the work so I'll tell who I bloody well like'.

I think on balance, and with the info about the flights and so on, I wouldn't go to the funeral. It sounds like it could be hellish and there's no real chance of getting any closure.

The only blessing is it sounds like it will take your ex a long time to get his mitts on your inheritance if he can also only extract 500 a day out of your DD. I would try to get that sorted out pronto, though - I'm surprised the limit is so low for a bank transfer?

Is there a reason you can't put in a counter-claim with CMS to say that your DD is with you 4 nights a week?

Your sister needs avoiding at all costs, She deliberately threw you under the bus once & now still can't silence her gossiping poisoned tongue.
In your shoes, have being NC with your mother, I wouldn't go to the funeral. or at best, watch from afar, if you want to see/speak to your uncle I would go at another time.
Your daughter can go to her bank & organise a transfer in one pop, no need for multiple payments.
I would do this asap, as you do not want your lying thieving X getting involved.

On cms, who was claiming Child Benefit?

It’s so interesting reading the language you are using to describe my sister. She’s highly educated and successful and outwardly has all the trappings of a comfortable middle class life. But I know she was as damaged by our childhood as I was. But I recognise what you’re saying isn’t wrong.

Good advice about DD going into a bank branch with ID to sort out the transfer. There’s one not far from her college, so I’ll suggest it tomorrow. She’s at her Dad’s tonight so I’ll wait until she’s left there tomorrow to stop her mentioning it to him.

I’m thinking I won’t go to the funeral. It involves flights from London at tricky times, car hire and rural accommodation in a language I no longer speak regularly.

Good to have my MN sisters in my corner 👊

CMS is a whole other saga. My ex told me about 15 months’ ago he was stopping his CMS mandated payment of £8pw (self-employed). He put a claim in early last year which was found no maintenance paying after a few months.

He opened a new case literally within days of that decision and CMS said they had to treat that separately with no reference to the previous claim. He managed to get the CB switched to him without my agreement. I never got the CB letter asking me for evidence (I believe he tampered with my post) and then when I finally got a mandatory reconsideration they rejected it. Wouldn’t tell me why or what information he submitted. I didn’t appeal that because I thought it would help her university finance as he’s a low earner. I realise now that was a significant mistake.

CMS didn’t find in my favour when I asked for a case review, but wouldn’t tell me why. I’m currently waiting for an appeal which is done by the Ministry of Justice and is 6-8 months even without strike action. I almost don’t care anymore.

Tell her to take ID with her to the bank