What do you want/expect from your boss?

[pizzaoven]

I have a new boss and a few months in, I'm really struggling. Because I've had brilliant bosses so far, I don't know if I've just been mollycoddled up to this point and my new boss is just how 'real' managers are!

For context, I manage a medium sized team and my previous long term boss was lovely. At the start, she spent time with me (and all the team), understanding our roles, the challenges etc and had a good understanding of all we did. I felt I could trust her and that she had my back. We had regular catch ups, she was very supportive when I went through a traumatic personal experience and I basically felt she supported me and fought for me if needed.

She moved on to another post and new boss was recruited. She (new boss) arrived and announced early on she thought we had too much hierarchy (probably true!). But, she turned down opportunities for regular meetings (doesn't like meetings, she says!) and didn't spend any time with team to really understand what the team does. She then started announcing changes which were a bit crazy as it was clear she didn't understand our business model and if her changes went ahead would likely impact sales.

We see her about once a week for a few mins but you get the vibe that she isn't interested and just wants to be away. Most of her communication is on email. She said some stuff to me recently which made me realise she has a very limited view on what our team does. But then she's never spent any time with us, so that makes sense! Our company has always prized itself on its great working culture but I've never felt so unsupported.

I finally asked for a meeting (having not had a meeting with her for over 8 weeks) and when I (gently) raised some issues about communication etc, she got very defensive and turned it back on me. Walked out at end of meeting feeling like I'd been gaslit.

So I'm wondering how much communication you would typically have with your boss? Do you feel supported? Have I just been mollycoddled so far?!

[JustJamie5]

I think it depends on the job - I work from home & go out and about visiting the sites I cover (I have a lot of autonomy). I have a 121 every 6 weeks -ish and we have a weekly catch up for 30 min as a check in. For me, this feels about right.

Does your company have a performance management policy? We have a 6 weekly 121 because that’s the policy (but I think she would anyway).

[Zanatdy]

I manage around 8 teams, well oversight, each team has a manager but I meet all the time with my staff. We have a weekly meeting just us, then another meeting all of us and my boss, then I call them most days. I always listen to their wishes / concerns and we have a great working relationship. I like to think management / leadership is something I do very well.

[5128gap]

I tend to run my teams in a similar way to her.
I communicate by email because i like there to be no lack of shared understanding as to what has been said.
I don't like meetings unless there is a clear purpose and something is achieved.
I don't constantly check in with them. They know their jobs and know where i am if they need me.
To me that's about respect and trust.
So, other than not changing things that make the job harder, what do you actually want from her you're not currently getting?
What, for example, would you want to discuss at a weekly meeting?
If she is not supportive, then what would you like her to do differently to support you?
Rather than frame it as a negative, however gently put, if you want change you need to be explicit about what you would like and why.
So 'Would it be possible to meet with you weekly because it's important I update you on X, get your opinion on Y, and that you explain to me Z, and its more helpful face to face because....' etc.

[Jellycatspyjamas]

I have two different bosses (part time job and a contracted piece of work for another organisation). Both trust me to do my job independently. I’m my part time job I have a monthly 1:1 and regular contact outside of that either letting me know about particular pieces of work or more supportive general keeping in touch. If I need to speak to her I can contact her and arrange time to speak.

In my contracted work my boss keeps in touch, I have a meeting with her at the end of each stage of work to review and, again, if I need her she’ll happily arrange to meet me.

Thats about the right level of contact for me.

Your previous boss sounds like she was quite involved with you and your team. When I was managing a team I wouldn’t have expected my boss to be spending a lot of time with them, I would expect regular meetings with me but not weekly. I would meet my team weekly and raise any issues with my boss and she might join us for a quarterly meeting.

Are there particular things you feel you need regular meetings for or is it more you’ve got into the habit?

[goldfootball]

My best mangers have understood that they work for their team not their boss. I think that probably looks very different depending on the setting but fundamentally a good manager needs to be able to answer for their team(s) not be grassing them up to make themselves look good (cough cough current manger).

[Aprilx]

I think your previous manager had a different style. I have been head of function so have had managers reporting into me, I keep in regular contact with my managers, but I don’t get involved in the detail of what the team are doing, that is the managers job not mine. I wouldn’t attend meetings with their teams, only maybe as the occasional “guest”. So I think your original manager was possibly more involved than she needed to be and possibly yes you were mollycoddled as a result.

I find it a bit odd that you use “we” when you discuss the new manager. As in “we see her” once a week. You should be the point of contact for the team in terms of routine catch ups. Of course I speak to team members and I may sometimes be in the same operational meeting with them if they are a subject matter expert, but I definitely would not have regular routine “team meetings” when there is a manager between me and the team.

[Joey69]

For context, I manage a medium sized team and my previous long term boss was lovely. At the start, she spent time with me (and all the team), understanding our roles, the challenges etc and had a good understanding of all we did. I felt I could trust her and that she had my back. We had regular catch ups, she was very supportive when I went through a traumatic personal experience and I basically felt she supported me and fought for me if needed.

I think your manager spending time with your team is a bit unusual, I manage my team and have regularly catch up with my manager, by my manager doesn’t get involved in my team, that’s my job, my manager also has other teams that report in so he has to deal with those as well.

sounds like your “new” manager is a bit a cultural shock to you, but is probably more inline with being a “professional” manager as opposed to maybe someone who has come up through the ranks so to speak