Friend who always wants things her own way

[citygirl1961]

This is a delicate subject as the friend I am talking about lost her husband in October. Even prior to him becoming ill she has always been awkward with making arrangements and wanting everything to work around her. She always wants me to go to her house or area which is at the other side of the city to where I live, yet she never seems to want to come to my end and when I suggest it she just doesn't answer me.

When her husband was ill, I didn't mind going to her end as I knew she needed to be on hand for him but now I think she should start meeting me half way. I wouldn't mind if she said she didn't feel confident going out of her area whilst she is in the grieving process but she does go out of her area to meet others.

An example is in December when we went out for a Christmas lunch with some other mutual friends. This was in another area of the city entirely. She and one of her other friends were complaining that the meal was too late - it was 2.30 pm and they grumbled that they got home late. My friend even told me that her other friend (who is nice and I get on with) commented to her that they are always having to work around everyone else which is not true. They don't work whereas me and another friend in the group work full time and can't get time off at the drop of a hat.

Anyway my friend went to a 60th party last week and didn't get home until 1.00 am. Admittedly she got a lift home but it was still late. Also her other friend gets home late at other times, it just seems to be when they are out with us they are putting a downer on it.

We are meeting up for another meal next and at first my friend said to me, via text, that this time it will have to be at 12.00 pm so I explained to her that the time has to suit everyone.

How do I approach this with her without sounding insensitive. I know she's going through it at the moment and I've been and am still am very understanding, but I don't want to have to be going up to her end all the time and her never even meeting me half way because she doesn't want to travel, when I have to travel the same distance going to see her while she sits at home.

Any advice would be welcome.

[Hellibore]

There seems to be a lot if moaning on all sides!
If you want to be her friend, you may have to accept the way she is op.
You can only change your reaction to it.
Meet up less?
Suggest midway points to meet?
Don't meet?

And stop worrying about what she does when you are not there!

[sunshinealwayscomesback]

Her world has probably shrunk with her husband being ill and then dying. It's not a great time to start keeping score on her. She sounds anxious and this would be a normal reaction to a loss. Doesn't want to travel far away while husband is ill- understandable. Doesn't want to travel far when in early stages of grief (she's only a few months in) - understandable. She may be taking everyone for granted but she's extremely likely to be struggling if she's just lost her husband.