First, move your post to divorce board where you’ll get more specific advice
secondly go to the link MN has put at the top of that board to ADVICE NOW and pay around £20 forthright guides on divorce. They are best guides about. Yep, I know it cost but a solicitor will charge you £200+ an hour to answer any simple question ( ok, you might get first 30 mins free but you can get the information they’ll give you off the government web site for free).
Next go to that uk Gov web site, it is very easy to follow and has all the process steps, forms etc and explanations - the law changes made last year are designed to allow people to raise petition and divorce without a solicitor . There is now ONLY no blame divorce - no one can blame he other party. It is designed o try to make the process less adversarial
you’ll need a solicitor for some bits of the financial or child arrangements. But, if you can agree to the arrangements yourselves , it’ll cost you less, and be completed quicker.
in my case I divorced in 2021 after 30 years of marriage. Despite it being, then, me petitioning him on basis of unreasonable behaviour , I moved heaven and earth to keep it amicable. It wasn’t easy, I was angry ! But I parked that or took myself away from him when conversations got at all emotionally charged. As a result we were able to do most stuff ourselves, and used solicitors for just essentials . We used the Advice now guides and government web site- I passed the guides and forms to him to read as well before we started even started to discuss stuff . That way he understood right from start about how the courts decide “ fair settlement “ ( it’s not the automatic 50:50 a lot of people think, there are 10 or so criteria that have to be met first) and what was needed for legal full financial disclosure- that stopped him making stupid threats and demands and meant I could keep discussions neuteral.
as a result we completed the full process in 15 weeks and it cost us in total £1400 . In truth it was very straightforward and not the most stressful part of seperation.
if you can work amicably- do so, choose your battles, accept what you are most likely to get in terms of settlement based on fair settlement and that whatever happens you’ll both be worse off .
for me the hardest part was selling family home and buying my new property- bu that was at height of stamp duty holiday and it was stupid . I also had to take a money sink house that has cost me enormous amounts of money to put right the most basic of things. That work took 18 months due to builder shortages and I’m only just feeling like the whole upheaval and stress has come to an end. It is a long process potentially to begin to feel less ie you are going forwards again
my ex was my best friend. I missed his company and I missed , particularly during building stress, having that other person to shoulder the stress and issues with. There are times that I get anxious or fearful when issues come up and I’m scared of what to do or unsure- not having that 2nd opinion is what I have actually missed most.
I have however vested a lot of effort in building a new social life on my own , mainly through my hobbies and really focused on nurturing female friendships I’m not remotely interested in a new male relationship…I actually think I’m more inclined to be same ex attracted - but I’m post menopausal and really not interested in any intimate relationship right now . But I don’t get lonely as such ..I make a lot of effort to overcome my introverted nature and get out the house and get with people.
one of he things that helped me make he decision to divorce was to really visualise what my life would be like if I divorced. Armed with knowledge from advice now guides , I looked at what house I could afford, where I’d live, what I would do with my time, how I’d deal with practicality of living on my own. That helped remove some of unknowns and therefore the fear of telling him or making that final decision. Once I’d figured that out and could visualise my future I talked to a very good friend telling her I’d not made my final decision but explained what was happening and what I was thinking- telling someone else helped the decision to crystallise and know it was the right thing to do.
as I say, move it to divorce page for practical help. Sorry this was a bit long no 😳 good luck