As my thread title suggests 😭
ive switched my name as this could be outing but recently am in a situation with a really lovely man. We live far apart - same country but a flight away, but met through a mutual hobby. Kept in touch via messaging until the flirting got too much, I asked what we were doing and we spent some of before Christmas together.
my issue is I’ve become so anxious about relationships it’s crushing me up inside. I was previously in one that you might describe as abusive emotionally - very belittling, constant criticism, lack of affection and emotional support. He would withhold messaging or speaking to me if he deemed I’d set a foot wrong etc.
I had therapy and thought I was fine - wouldn’t have started seeing someone if I felt I wasn’t resilient enough. Problem
is that I just can’t tell what I should do now I’m actually in it.
new guy used to speak to me a lot, that has dropped off which I took as him cooling it off (obviously fine if he wasn’t feeling it etc) so I was surprised when he asked to see me again and started arranging etc. the problem is the amount of irrational internal angst I feel about it is crushing any spirit I have for anything else. I’m usually super independent, love my friends, a runner with a great job, hobbies etc - but I can’t stop worrying about this new relationship and it going wrong. I feel like I’m bracing for impact constantly.
I know the answer is more therapy but just in the meantime has anyone had a situation similar to this? How did you deal with it - did you just outright tell your new partner? I don’t want to feel like I’m needy or a burden but i could just do with gentle reassurance every few days, especially as there’s a long time in between us seeing each other. I know I am unreasonable, but was just looking for tips to tackle it.
TIA if anyone can help x