TW abuse: Feel like I'm back in a nightmare

[thecaseofthepurplecushion]

Yesterday my identity was outed and my abuser re-found me.

I was in a horrific relationship five years ago full of emotional, sexual & physical violence. Someone has written an article about this and I have been named.

I have a very different life now but I feel like I am back to 5 years ago. Last night was just constant flashbacks. Today I have been in a constant state of panic and desperation. I am scared, even though I am far away from my abuser, and I am enraged that someone has used me like this.

Things I learnt in therapy aren't working and I don't feel like the person I worked so hard to become post abuse. I feel like I'm floating in a life that isn't mine, I feel like I'm moments away from danger.

How do I let go of this? I've forgotten how to cope, can anyone advise on how to keep going?

Huge sympathy Cushion.

Of course you are feeling overwhelmed & panicked right now. Can you please not berate yourself for that perfectly normal reaction? You haven't forgotten how to cope btw - you are just temporarily blindsided.

Just for tonight - think back to any exercises or advice from therapy about how to help keep hold of yourself. Even simple things - in fact especially simple things - like mindfulness techniques. You know the drill. Count some breaths, name 5 red things in the room, talk to a tree, all of that bland but effective stuff.

When you are ready - first port of call is your GP I think.
Explain about the outing article - there is NO need to dwell on the details of your abuse - & ask to be signposted to services that can support you.

I'm frankly enraged on your behalf that some knobhead has written not just about your case, but has identified you. Are you able to say how that has come about & what position the author holds in relation to you, & their ability or even permission to write about you? Fully appreciate if you cannot, also fully appreciate you simply may not want to. That is fine. I am just wondering who you could co-opt to help you right now & am thinking about organisations like Citizens' Advice, or your local MP, as well as the more obvious support available from Women's Aid.

Take care of yourself. There is nothing you need to do tonight but eat, rest, & sleep if you can. Keep posting as much or as little as suits you. Plenty of PP have experienced some or all of what you have survived, you are not alone, & will be heard & understood here.

Thank you. This is so helpful. I have been so focused on the practical side of things (police, ICO for GDPR, trying to find a solicitor) that I haven't even thought about contacting the GP but that's a good shout.

After a day of trying to do practical things I've basically collapsed. I've been very strong on many phone calls and in many emails today and I can't really keep it together anymore.

I'll try and do some mindfulness that's a really good shout. I've been for a walk which helped a bit. Getting out of the house seems to be good for me right now otherwise I collapse into bed and don't move.

Re the article - not written by anyone I know no, my abuser was a trans woman and it's about her involvement in the trans rights movement, but I've been used as an example of her behaviour. A cheap shot really and I didn't have communication about it much less consent. I am hopeful that it does break GDPR and I can be removed but right now I am just so tired of it all and need to feel okay again.

You are doing really well Cushion.

You've already taken some practical steps, you are willing to take care of yourself, you will make time for a GP visit & contact with any other org. or lawyer who can help you.

Tonight, al you need to do is stay warm, make yourself as comfortable as possible, do some mindfulness if you start to feel wobbly, & get as much rest as you can. Thinking of you xx

Thank you so much xx

Going right back to the basics of self care and separately setting up whatever you need to ensure your safety (police) are the two things that might help.

I’m so sorry you are experiencing this.

Thank you. I have my wife & my dogs and I'm just trying to ground myself for the evening. My thoughts are getting worse but I am pushing through.

A cold ice pack on the eyes and over the cheekbones (even just a bag of frozen peas will do) brings the body back down out of fight/flight/freeze. It signals to the body you’re ok now.

breathe all your air out, and at the end when there’s no breath, clench your stomach muscles. When we’re in flight, our blood gathers there so our bodies can be ready to battle. Squeezing the stomach sends it all circulating again. It also will help deepen your breath, in case you’re taking shallow breaths.

im so sorry, OP. Just sending you care.

it also helps me to put my hand on my chest and say to myself “you’re okay.”

sounds silly, maybe, but it helps. Hope these things can help you. I’ve got C-ptsd as well, and it’s a bitch