Silent treatment

[NomNomNomMinion]

Had a argument with DPs mother last week, she upset me & my children and then stormed out after being asked to apologise.

DP has texted her and she's ignored it, and he's been round and knocked on her door and she's ignored him. Is this abusive? How long does silent treatment usually last? I don't have any experience of this as my family talk things through if someone is upset. Thank you.

Normal for my mum, she stops speaking to me all the time, usually lasts months don’t think it’s considered abusive though

It is abusive! That's awful. Taking time to cool off is fine but refusing to communicate at all is emotional abuse. I know, I've been on the receiving end of it.

It's called stonewalling, and yes it's a form of abuse.

Why is your DP chasing her if she is in the wrong? Let her stew until she is ready to apologise.

I would not want my children in the vicinity of such a person

He thought the next day after it happened shed of cooled down, but she point blanked ignored him & the text. He's not tried communicating with her since or going round there.
Just a bit lost what to do!
DP is very upset by his mothers behaviour and I don't know how to make things okay again and on the other side of things I don't really know if I can have a relationship with someone who chooses to silent treatment their own son/grand kids. It's made me really angry.

What was the argument about?

This can’t possibly be a one off?

I am guessing you generally have a poor relationship with your MIL?

There’s nothing more you can do. Sounds like you would have accepted her apology and moved on but she’s not willing to apologise. My mother was like this, would criticise me,( anything from my parenting skills to the shoes I wore, you name it she could criticise it) Then she’d refuse to apologise and turn it round to poor her, how badly she was treated , she’d only meant it as a joke, make it all about her.
You can’t win with a person like that. I didn’t want my children around such toxicity so went NC.
leave her be, she’s no loss to you if that’s her attitude.

So for context, what was the argument about ?

She said that upset my Asd DS I don't want to say what as it's very outting but we asked her to speak to him and explain herself and she kicked off and started screaming.

Yes she's done it a few times but it's not regular the last time was 8 years ago she stressed me out that much (because she wasn't getting her own way) that I went into early labour.

I get the impression you were rude to her

Hello mil is that you?

I wasn't rude to her. I asked her to speak to DS and she started screaming and trying to throw things. She has a very entitled attitude and I've always just given in to her for a quiet life but this time she's gone to far upsetting my child.

Do you now? 🙄

'I wasn't rude to her. I asked her to speak to DS and she started screaming and trying to throw things. She has a very entitled attitude and I've always just given in to her for a quiet life but this time she's gone to far upsetting my child.'

This does not make any sense. You asked her to speak to a child and she started screaming and throwing things ! I don't buy into this sorry.The reason I asked was because she won't answer her door to your husband. I get the impression she is very upset
You all need to calm down

well that's exactly what happened. We asked her to speak to DS and immediately she started screaming and shouting saying we was turning it around onto her and picking up things to throw at DP.

Of course it won't make 100 percent sense as I've not explained how DS was upset by her.

So she said something upsetting to your child, you / your DP asked her to talk it through with the child and she starting shouting and throwing things? And she's got form for this sort of thing (although it's years since it happened)?

I don't think there's anything you can do to make this right. She was in the wrong. Your DP has tried to build a bridge and she's refused. The ball is now in her court. Please don't be tempted to apologise, and don't beg her to talk to you. To do so would be to play to her belief that she is someone a victim and you were in the wrong. It won't make things better.