Confused and upset about husband

[Wtfhusband23]

My dh is being really strange and to be honest, it's really worrying me. It might sound ridiculous, but it's really out of character and I'm wondering what he's trying to achieve.

A few months ago he had some crumbs on his tshirt, out of pure affection I reached over and brushed them off. Cue him going absolutely mad at me about how I'd hurt him so badly, how I had winded him and it had affected his breathing! He's a big, strong man, who is not prone to drama. We do not physically hurt each other in our relationship. He went on at me for hours and hours. I was so upset and quite feaked out as he was obviously lying and I felt I couldn't trust him.

Last night he was trying to reach out and cuddle me but he really hurt me unintentionally. I grabbed onto his leg to stop him as he was twisting my wrist. Now he is going absolutely mad at me for the pain he is in with his leg. I have apologised over and over. Obviously I didn't want to hurt him, I was trying to stop him hurting me!

He has had 3 major blow outs at me at me and the dc recently. Including leaving us all sobbing in a restaurant.

He is majorly stressed. What is happening? I realise this sounds so stupid written down.

You need to get to the bottom of whether he's become much more touch sensitive with enhanced pain response. I'd reiterate that I knew I'd accidentally hurt him and was very sorry. That I was deeply concerned how I'd managed to do this, is he finding other things are hurting him too at the moment?

Do not apologise. You’ve done nothing wrong. His behaviour is abusive. He deliberately hurt the OP and twisted her wrists to incite a reaction so he could play a victim.

Something very sinister is at play.

This sounds sinister to me. And he demands apologies from you (and still sulks about it) but won't apologise for hurting you?

Smack him round the chops with a rolled up paper as hard as you can and see if that winds and affects his breathing.

(Don't really!)

OP - he does this because he’s an abuser - he wants to make you upset and see you cry and a way to do that is to blame you for doing something like hurting you and scream and yell at you for hours until you break down. That’s his end goal - to break you.

I know this because my SO does something similar but it’s more in the vein of threatening to leave me until I cry. The goal is to make you cry.

You want to know why? Read the book by Lundy Bancroft - Why Does He Do That?

In a nutshell he does that because he wants to hurt you and he wants to hurt you because he is a domestic abuser.

It’s possible he has a personality disorder - a cop told me that in most domestic violence cases there’s usually mental health issues.

What are the traits of emotionally unstable personality disorder?

emotional instability – the psychological term for this is "affective dysregulation" disturbed patterns of thinking or perception – "cognitive distortions" or "perceptual distortions" impulsive behaviour. intense but unstable relationships with others.

What was he like before all this started or has he always had moments like this?
all I can think of is that he’s either having a nervous breakdown or has the beginnings of dementia.
im sorry you’re going through this x

He left you crying in a restaurant? Wanker.

He probably needs to see a doctor to make sure it's nothing neurological, but he sounds pretty awful.

If he isn't playing mind games with you, is there a chance he has Fibromyalgia? I suffer from it & sometimes something as daft as ds brushing past me can be agony, even clothes touching my skin feels like I am being shocked with a cattle prod.

It sounds like he is doing what he accuses you of: gaslighting.
my ex did this - overreacted in startling and almost scary ways. It turned out he was creating (over the course of a few years) a narrative that I was temperamental, unstable and abusive.

he’d do things like “confess” he was addicted to p-rn right before someone walked into the room to pick us up, so I’d be visibly off, trying to control my reaction, and he’d then shy away around me when they could see. It was so strange, and yet over time it became quite clear.

he’d fly into huge panics on the phone if I called him and someone else was in the room, when I had been talking to him calmly, but he wanted them to see him reacting.

he was basically evil… building up a story so that no one would believe me when his behavior came to light.

he even shot & harmed a squirrel, planted the poor mutilated thing outside, then took me out to find it, watching me carefully and very disappointed when I didn’t have a meltdown.

if your partner is doing something like this to undermine you, devalue you and create himself as a victim, it will become increasingly clear.

the good news is, once you are separated from a person like that, they can’t hide who they are. Just hold your head up and know your own integrity, and in time, people will see the truth.

people still write to me asking what my ex thinks he’s doing with his insane behavior; they tell me it’s like watching a train wreck. I just say “I dont explain for him anymore.” It’s SUCH a relief.

If he was so over sensitive to pain he’d blow up at other people too. He’s dangerous in my view and anyone who leaves his family crying in a restaurant isn’t sounding like a decent human