Do you believe relationships can blossom over a long period of time? Or should you feel strongly in the beginning?
When I met my late DH, it was love at first sight, proverbial thunderbolt, I knew he was my soulmate and that he felt the same etc etc. We had a very intense relationship, in a good way – blissfully happy, incredibly connected, absolutely head over heels in love from day one. There was really nothing I would have changed about him, and we were devoted to each other – pretty much at the expense of everything else to be honest – we socialised a lot but always together, we had hobbies but they were shared ones, etc etc. We lived in each other's pockets (from two weeks in!), were disgustingly romantic and we loved it. And I suppose inevitably I have therefore built my ideas of what makes a "good" or "right" relationship from that, especially because my only other experience of a long term relationship was with an abuser.
Sadly, DH died very suddenly 3 years ago and I started dating about two years later.
When I met DP I didn't have that thunderbolt moment. I liked him, I enjoyed his company, and I fancied him, but I didn't look at him and think "yes, you're the one". We're 6 months in now and and I still don't feel like that. He is a wonderful man in so many respects – he's kind, he's incredibly understanding of my situation, he's loyal, he's trustworthy, he's communicative, he's good at resolving conflict, he has thought very seriously about committing to me and what that means vis a vis my 5 year old child and been incredibly considerate about it. He makes me laugh, we share a lot of interests and our political sensibilities align. Those things are all very important to me, and I care about him very much. BUT there are things that don't work. We have different sex drives and it can cause tension (mostly on my side, to be fair – he is more relaxed about it). He is a lot more reserved than I am and doesn't express his feelings as openly as I would want. He has been single for a long time (after a very hard break up and a long period of dating but not finding anyone he felt was "right") and as a result, he has forgotten a bit what it's like to be in a couple so can be thoughtlessly selfish. And he definitely values his independence, whereas DH and I were essentially codependent so we are approaching that from very different (and probably equally unhealthy!) angles.
For reasons that are too long to go in to, I have to decide now whether I stay in this area and make a go of things with him, or move back to my home town to live nearer to my family and start over. All things being equal, outside of this relationship the pros and cons are about even – my heart would probably prefer to move back, but my head would prefer to stay here as it's better financially and for my daughter. So he is the deciding factor, even though he probably shouldn't be. Whatever decision I make, it will be for at least two years.
And so I guess what I'm asking is... is this normal for 6 months in? (For context, we have deliberately taken things pretty slowly, so on average we see each other twice a week with one overnight stay.) For things to be good and nice but for me not to be sure? The more time I spend with him the more I like him and the better things get, but equally I don't feel head over heels or hugely excited about the prospect of spending the rest of my life with him. My experience with DH was so unusual that I just don't know what a normal relationship should feel like, and I'm worried that I could throw away a good thing based on what was probably a once in a lifetime experience of "love at first sight" that will never happen again. But I'm also worried I could be making a mistake staying here for a relationship that isn't going to work out.
Should you always be sure? Or can the right relationship grow even when there are doubts in the beginning?