How easy do you find it to walk away?

[Halle63]

When you meet someone who seems amazing, great connection, strong attraction and then you see things you don’t find acceptable or wouldn’t want in a partner…do you find it easy to walk away or do you try to make it work/overlook things based on how you feel about the person?

I'd walk away but what is your situation?

It would depend how long we had been together but generally, really difficult.
Takes a lot of willpower and reminders of the things that are giving me the ick.

If talking it through doesn’t make a difference then I tend to have the attitude of “I’m attracted to the man I wish he was”. I wouldn’t expect him to change to become that man.

I think we’re all on our best behaviour at the beginning of a relationship but after about 6 months, the cracks start to show, or you grow stronger and closer.
If the cracks are starting to show that’s the sign the guy isn’t the right one for you, despite the emotional attachment. We all have different thresholds as to when enough is enough and we all have different preferences as to what is okay and what isn’t.

I’d struggle to turn a blind eye to things that bothered me just for the sake of being in a relationship. I’d rather be on my own and disappointed that he wasn’t the right guy for me after all.

do you find it easy to walk away or do you try to make it work/overlook things based on how you feel about the person

These are not the only 2 options. They hint at someone who commits/falls for people too easily. Hang back. An attraction to someone is just that, and nothing more. Don't let it become anything more until you're fairly sure you're not going to have to 'overlook' things.

But if it comes to it, it's not easy to walk away. Grown ups have to make decisions and take actions that aren't easy. Nobody is enjoying walking away from relationships that are 85% perfect. But those with self respect and clear minds do it anyway.

Hard to say without knowing but generally at my age (mid 40’s) I’d walk away, as I know what I want and not prepared to put up with crap as I’d far rather be single (and have been voluntarily for many years). That said I do tend to fall in love pretty quickly (with the right person of course) or at least in lust so it would very much dependant on what the issue was, and if I felt it could be worked on or if it was a huge red flag. It would depend completely. I’ve been seeing someone for a couple of months and really like him a lot, and vice versa. So if something major came up then yeah I’d have to seriously think about it and discuss, I wouldn’t automatically walk away

I assume if this was after a few dates?

I would walk away because it will create problems in the future. Men are not a project to be changed or updates to a good version to fit ones life. The person may only feel like they are connecting with you on a level because they are mirroring whatever they think you want in a relationship in order to then manipulate you in the future, which in turn can lead to emotional and physical abuse.

I rather be single than try and amend someone to fit my life because they have one good trait out of the 7 you require in order to have it good between you.
Whatever excuse people use such as the sex is so good but the communication is off, then no. Also if the person hates animals, and you have 8 animals and you think further down the line you can change their mind, no, sorry.

If there is a rotten view of women, or sex or they have done time, its also a no.

In my past I would have stayed to my detriment. I hope if I ever try a relationship again I would walk away. Life is too short to spend it with the wrong person

Took me a year
yesterday I read my diary and realised he started stressing me in feb 2022

and as a fancied the bones off him I stayed until January 2023

and I’m meant to be older and wiser !!!

But sexual connection and intimacy kept me (and him ) together despite the stress

I’ve been reflecting on myself and I’ve realised I attach quickly when I feel that connection (doesn’t happen too often) and then once I’m attached I won’t leave. Most of my relationships have descended into toxic/abusive situations due to me not having clear boundaries. I wondered if this was a common problem or if I’m deeply flawed for this!

Halle63

common problem
many of us have this !
im planning a hiatus from these shenanigans as I can’t risk this happening again !

Wondering if you're deeply flawed is at the root of the issue.

If things go wrong, you look to yourself to make corrections, and if you can't, or if you're criticised for somehow being 'less', you'll take these things on board. Rather than just walking away. Is that right? Shot in the dark, but worth a try...

You know, 'He gets angry but he says it's because I can't make decisions, so I need to make decisions better and that'll sort this anger problem out...', rather than 'Well, I'm being me, and I rock, so if he's angry with me, he can do one...'

Common problem! I can see the flaws but for some reason I cool myself into thinking I can get over them/ they aren’t that important. Recently ended a 3 year relationship for the thing that was an issue at 3 months!! The issue never went away and eventually it could t be ignored anymore…. What a waste of 3 years and some pretty big heartache on both sides. I promise myself I won’t do it again but who knows 😂

I don't think 'deeply flawed' and 'common problem' are necessarily mutually exclusive, either. Think obesity/excess drinking/too much time watching tv etc. Lots of quite serious problems are very common.

With this issue, lots of people are in relationships that are really bad for them, because they don't know they can leave, or don't know how, or don't understand that they should.

I'm not sure 'deeply flawed' is a good way to look at it, though, when analysing yourself. Perhaps it's somewhere you have a bit of work to do, or an area 'in development'? Viewing yourself as somehow faulty is the crux of the anxious attachment style. Have you read about anxious attachment styles? Might be relevant to you...

www.attachmentproject.com/blog/anxious-attachment/#:~:text=Adults%20with%20an%20anxious%20attachment,for%20their%20strong%20emotional%20needs.

A hundred percent this. I stayed with my ex until my mental health declined so much I thought I was going to end up sectioned because of the relationship. I took a long time to heal, im now in a new relationship and know that if anything were to crop up I would walk immediately

After marriage broke down and then falling for someone who two timed me, I walk easily. Seems to have been men who have fallen for me too quickly, probably because I’m very cautious!

Interesting. Why won’t you leave once you’re “attached”?

Does something remove the common sense from you?

Of course it’s easy to walk away from someone you don’t have the feelz for.

Being “attached” just means it’s going to be more upsetting to walk away, it doesn’t remove the ability to do so.

Staying in a situation you know you should remove yourself from will cause you more hurt in the long-run.

@DatingDinosaur i think my common sense does get removed! Sometimes they leave me and I’m distraught even though I know I’m better off without them!

I think it's good to recognise that 'distraught' is a normal part of things. It hurts, and that's fine. It passes.