Narcissist

[Maggyscot]

My husband basically titled me last night that for a while now he’s been thinking he’s a narcissist because of the way he treats me.
He then said he came to the conclusion that he’s not and that I’m the problem!!!!!
he has been violent in the past, is highly critical and can be verbally abusive as well.
my question is how do you convince someone they need professional help?

You can't convince a narc they need professional help. That's the problem.

Hes not going to get help. You're going to waste time trying to convince him. Look at how he's managed this. 1. Oh god my behaviour is dreadful 2. Maybe there's something properly wrong with me 3. That can't be right. 4. It's obviously maggyscott's problem. See how it works? I had the same with my ex. Managed to convince him to go to an anger management workshop, or I'd leave. He did. Within 3 sessions he was saying 'everyone has anger, your passive aggression is just as bad as my open aggression, but insidious'. This was a man who almost threw a large piece of furniture at me in a rage. Pointless. Do not bother

Call it what you want but violent, highly critical and verbally abusive? It's not your job to convince him of anything, you need to ensure you and any children are safe, and nothing more.

Narcissists cannot acknowledge culpability - they always say that they don't have a problem, it is the victim's fault.

So there we are. He's a narc all right - he just proved it himself.

Which means you have a decision to make. Do you want to remain in a marriage with an abuser?

Narcs think they’re perfect and the victim, so how can it be them in the wrong. They have an answer for literally EVERYTHING! There’s no saving anyone who doesn’t want to help themselves, narc or not.

So if he’s been violent in the past, is verbally abusive and highly critical why are you still married to him? I’m sure you’re worth more than settling for this treatment.

You don’t. You leave them. I hope there aren’t kids in the middle of this.

my question is how do you convince someone they need professional help?
If he wants professional help it's up to him to access it.
But he won't, because he's decided there's nothing wrong with him.

Your job isn't to find help for him, it's to help yourself get away from him.
he has been violent in the past, is highly critical and can be verbally abusive as well.
There is NO counselling service that stops men who want to be violent & verbally abusive to their wives. Hoping that there is, is an act of denial.

My husband basically titled me last night that for a while now he’s been thinking he’s a narcissist because of the way he treats me.
He's mindfucking you. Playing cat & mouse games.
Stop being his mouse.

www.womensaid.org.uk/what-we-do/supporting-survivors/

Why do you think it's your responsibility to look after him, and why aren't you taking responsibility for your own wellbeing?

You can't make him change and you MUSTN'T expend your energy trying. The ONLY way to address this is to leave. Please don't think he will change...he won't. Don't spend your time trying to get him to see the light, apologise, get help etc. It's not going yo happen. Just focus on yourself and on escaping from it.