TW: Partner said child sex abuse is funny

[Lifeisanillusion]

My partner (28M) and I (29F) have been together for 4 years. We are in a long distance relationship at the moment as he has moved for work and I am supposed to be moving to live with him soon.

I am still living at home and recently I discovered images and videos of child sex abuse on my dad's phone. This has broken me, I have been so distraught and I almost had mental breakdown so I went to the council and they have put me in temp accomodation. I have also reported my dad to the police.

I was really scared to tell my partner incase he didn't want to be with me anymore. I messaged him saying I have something to tell you that has happened in my family, it's really bad and I'm scared you will leave me. I then called him about it and his reaction has really confused me, he was saying things such as 'Its not as bad as I thought it was going to be'. 'If I found out my friend was watching CP, I would tell him to stop but I would find it funny' and then he made a joke like 'oi mate got any kiddie porn'.

Since then I have questioned him about it and he has said it's just a bizarre situation and he meant funny in a shocking way because he has never known anyone to watch it.
He has been supportive about everything and has said I have done the right thing by going to the police but then he has implied that I shouldn't have left home over it because I was leaving in a month to live with him anyway.

I am just so confused about his reaction. I don't know what think. Does anyone have any advice?

He's very odd.

And extremely immature, is the best I could say.

So little kids lives are at heat tainted, at worst ruined by being sexually abused and if he thought his mate was looking at their abuse he'd joke and banter and tease him about it??

He seems to see child sex abuse and it's recording as some kind of detached, victimless comical thing.

I'm not sure how anyone with a brain could.

Is he this dumb and callous about other things?

As a related aside; I read that in the US they compensate the abuse survivors from the perpetrators assets, if they are identified. And it's ongoing; if another victim in their images and videos I'd identified... They are compensated.

It's nothing compared to what they've been through but at least it's something.

Anyway, presumably your bf wouldn't find it so comical and unimportant if it was him being raped as a child for adult men to purchase and masturbate over (?)

Perhaps worth asking him ... Before dumping him.

Well done for reporting your Dad, must have been difficult.

I’ll tell you my experience… my ex husband reacted in a similar way. He knew I’d been sexually abused as a child by a neighbour over the course of a year (I was 9). His approach was to rationalise it, normalise it, say things like, ‘it’s not so unusual or actually evil, just confusion on the part of the person doing it.’
This made me feel confused and unsure of the appropriateness of the lingering sadness and anger I still carried at that time. I felt like I was in the wrong. It was a headfuck because I also felt angry towards my ex for not being supportive. He was a GP and the safeguarding lead for West and Northwest London. You can’t find him online because he’s been struck off (in case you’re off to Google). He’s now in prison for sexually abusing our own daughter over the course of 5 years… he did this right under my nose. That’s my cross to bear.

I applaud you loudly for doing the hardest thing ever; turning in your dad. I know what that feels like, turning in a person you thought you trusted. It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. But you’ve protected potential victims from a predator in the making. Believe me. You’ve done absolutely the right thing.

Your boyfriend is also a predatory creep. There’s nothing you can do to stop what he may become. But you should run like the devil. The hills are that way——> and all of that. Go. Be strong and just go.

This is a difficult revelation. It is a warning to you. It is also a gift. Use it wisely.

Don’t even wait to see how this movie ends. 💐

Thank god you found out before you had a child with him. I couldn't be with someone like that.

He’s scum, you can’t sink any lower than thinking the rape of children is funny, except by being the rapist I guess. Sick fucker.

You did the right thing about your Dad, do the right thing here too. X

Dump. You could never trust him moving forwards

He sounds like an imbecile. As if child porn is just another genre of sexual interest like threesomes or older women. I'd say this is a huge red flag for immaturity and/or low intelligence. Is he a dimwit about anything else?

There is no such thing as child porn,
children cannot consent therefore cannot make porn these are images of child abuse or indecent images of children!

Please end this relationship. You need support, not the bizarre disgraceful behaviour of this moronic lowlife.

Op - you can get support as a relative of an online child sex abuse offender at the Lucy Faithful Foundation - look them up or the Stop it Now website which is the same people. they have helpline for people who discover close relatives are doing this.

Take this all slowly it's a huge trauma for you.

Your bloke is a stupid twat. I couldn't be with anyone who makes light of child abuse. What a knob. Sorry about your dad, I hope he is dealt with appropriately. How is your mum?

It would have been better if you titled your thread with just
Trigger Warning and then said what the issue is for those who go ahead and click on the thread to read further rather than put it in the thread title and what's more some people may not realise what tw means.
By the time my eyes scanned 'TW' I already saw what he said which is not an effective trigger warning.

Thank you all for your advice. I just felt very confused at the time as I didn't know if I was overreacting because I was emotional about my dad.

We have now broken up as I just don't think I would feel comfortable about having children with him now

Well the best case scenario I can come up with is it's an attempt to minimise it because he's made uncomfortable by it and/or he's trying to make you less upset because he finds your distress uncomfortable to deal with. Which doesn't bode well for the future, because life has upsetting/difficult things happen sometimes, and he obviously is not capable of being properly supportive.

All other possibilities are worse.

I couldn't stay with him.

Dump him. He is a despicable human being. I am sorry that you are going through this @Lifeisanillusion