Would you go

[LovelyNanny26]

My brother is getting married in 2024 in September the wedding is in my home country.I'm currently pregnant with my second one and I also have a preschooler.I'm kind of in two minds to go or not.The cost will be huge but my son will have too miss two days of school (reception class) also my second baby is going to be 14m by then and I will be still breastfeeding him or her.So can't really drink or party (not that bothered).Also my relationship with my brother is non existing we don't really speak to each other (my mother thinks is my fault because I live in England).I moved here on my own when I was 19 and I went to Uni as well and I feel great in England. My Mum has a very difficult personality and can't speak to anyone without shouting.She grew up with an alcohol father and she was never nice and loving towards us.That's why I left my home at such a young age.I'm going to be brutal but i don't even like my mum.I always felt like this since very young.We spoke this Saturday and she went mental in front of my son because I forgot about grandparents day!!I ended up cutting her off I don't wan to be spoken like this.I'm a grown up and I deserve some respect.

I’m so sorry you are having to give any thoughts to this dilemma. Who needs it?

Seems as if any meaningful relationship with your DM or your brother is a boat that’s already sailed.

What would I go in your shoes?
I’d not go to the wedding. Too expensive, baby too young, sorry brother.
I’d go very low contact or non at all with your shouty DM. She sounds like a right pain.

How much do you really need these people in your life?

I don't want to go at all to be fair.Going on my own is not an option either if I'm breastfeeding.The wedding is on Friday and we will have too leave on Saturday so my son has a full day rest before going to school on Monday. I just know I'm not going to have fun.I don't really want to be in the close proximity to my parents anyway.She was never satisfied with my life choices anyway.

No I wouldn't go, why put yourself through all that angst, disruption and expense. There should be no 'obligation' to attend a wedding. I didn't attend my sibling's wedding, they didn't attend mine ... no family fallings out or anything like that, it just wasn't convenient due to logistics.

Totally missing the point, but WTF is grandparents day??

Also, don’t go. Will it add anything positive to your, or your children’s, life? Highly unlikely. Will it add anything negative to your life? Most definitely. Just because you share genetics doesn’t mean you have to negatively impact your life pandering to people who aren’t going to appreciate your effort, or make you welcome and feel loved.

You are, as you say, a grown up. A mother with two children and a life of your own. Your mother's opinions don't matter.

So go if you want your wider family to meet your children, and if you think you will have a good time. If not, send your brother and his bride a lovely present and card, but say that bringing two very small children to a wedding would not helpful, and perhaps invite the newly weds to come and stay for a weekend in the UK in the future.

I wouldn’t go. It’s not worth the stress & investment.

Send them a lovely gift instead.

Forget all the other stuff about babies etc. you do not get on with your mother and your relationship with your brother is minimal. Why would you go in these circumstances?

No wouldn’t consider it at all.
You don’t want to, your oldest will be really tired, not to mention the baby. If you feel the need to give a reason, just say baby is too young.
And keep all that money for your babies !

In the circumstances I definitely wouldn’t go