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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my partner causing my anxiety?

7 replies

User033 · 22/01/2023 22:03

Please no judgement. Me and partner have been together for a few years. He was out of a long relationship with kids and I was a single mum when we met. I was quite successful in career, house etc. He used to speak quite highly of his ex.. somethings I feel things were a little exaggerated really (but he admitted he was intimidated by me so had something to prove) like looks wise about her which dented my confidence - but she was made out to be something she was not, which i realised when i saw her. Fast forward, we went through alot with his ex, kids (both each others and now joint), jobs, family health issues etc. I suffered anxiety really bad. Now my life has now settled to a "perfect life". But since things have been easier I can't help but feel my partner has just been awful. I feel he is gaslighting me, and just being really rude. I have flipped out a few times, loosing control. I have never felt like this before. But even today's argument.. I said something and it could be taken 2 ways in hind sight but telling me different words I said. Then being nasty to me making personal comments because he thinks I was horrible to him. I warned him he needed to stop annoying me (my chest was hurting). He still continued to carry on until I literally threw something at him, nothing bad (please dont judge but want to be honest). I feel I have became something I am not, like this person with no patience. My confidence has been shot from how he was at the beginning too about his ex. I almost feel resentment about this - its not like he makes an effort to make me feel good. I just feel like now things are settled he got so relaxed and thinks he can treat me like this? I feel so broken and upset. I just don't know what to do...

OP posts:
Rafferty10 · 22/01/2023 22:05

Just leave you don’t have to stay in an unhappy relationship

sunflowersatdawn · 22/01/2023 22:09

Sounds like he tried to make you insecure talking about his ex- like a form of negging? He doesn't respect your boundaries and is gaslighting. You say you don't know what to do but you also sound like you managed to do well as a single parent before and can see this relationship is not great for you.

HundredMilesAnHour · 22/01/2023 22:12

I don't think it's possible to say if he is behind some of your anxiety or not. But it's clear that this relationship doesn't appear to be working and you sound very unhappy. You don't have to stay.

User033 · 22/01/2023 22:19

I feel like if we didn't have ties with a child of our own, his kids (my step children - who i love and adore), and the house.. I wouldn't be here with him. I just don't even know where to start and feel stuck. And feel so stupid for making this mistake again. I feel like when I have tried to speak to him, it's a blimming joke. I don't know if he realises I am literally at this point of no return to our relationship.

OP posts:
Warspite · 22/01/2023 22:24

Right, you need to get your anxiety under control. I recommend the homeopathy remedy of Aconite. Buy from Amazon, buy the one with the Royal Warrant. Small bottle in a white box. Helped me enormously. This will help you to calm down and relax a bit. Take as directed.

Perhaps you are “flipping” and throwing things because you are full of frustrations which build up?

When you are calm and can create some headspace why not have a think about where you see your self, your life, in 5 years time. Do you see it alongside this demoralising oaf?

If your relationship is turning you into the sort of person you would rather not be think about what you need to do to future proof your life, gather paperwork, research your options, consult a solicitor (find out about half hour free advice. Ring around. Most offer it) and maybe look towards getting out of it?

Even if you don’t act on any of the advice you get, it’ll get you into a more powerful position should you decide to relinquish your life with your partner. You won’t feel so vulnerable. Knowledge is power. Knowledge will give you back your confidence. Knowledge will empower you.

Find out what your options could be if you ditch him.
You can do this! Start Monday morning.

HundredMilesAnHour · 22/01/2023 22:27

It sounds like you're done and you're having to face up to the turmoil and unpleasantness ahead of breaking up with him. But better that than to be so unhappy. It sounds like this relationship is destroying you. It won't get better, I think you know that. If you end it, it will be awful for a while but then things will get better and you can be happy again.

Copperoliverbear · 22/01/2023 22:35

Yes In answer to your question. X

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